No Stupid Questions

Serious attempt at an answer: I was terrified of this myself. I felt super tired on much less, had no idea how I would cope with a full day of work plus coming home and going right back out to be social or whatever. I ended up having to do it, plus language lessons twice a week. Have been doing it a couple years now. I think you really do adjust, at least a little. You find ways to rest in smaller periods, in bathroom at work, going out for a break with the smokers, sleeping when you come home etc. I find a lot of things I ended up sacrificing but I also find it's not as hard as you might think. I even manage to cook most days, and stay on top of household chores for the most part. It isn't a brag, and I think I fall back on the same recipes time and again. One one level, it just sort of all gets forced to be optimised, but I do also feel I have more energy

Add kids and being chronically ill to that.

But honestly, you can find your place. I'd recommend not making your passion to your work as not to lose/spoil it but you need to at least like it. It's tricky. So that at best work is still work, but not pissing you off all the time.

Then you'll have the energy for other things too.

And regarding finding your place it can also be taken literally. Other countries work in very different ways, yours might not be the best fit for you. You take as given what the local options are, but there are others. I recall a video of an American who already knew Germany well but still his socks were blown off by the wildly different working environment here for example. (sick days? Wtf lol) it's hard enough here for me with all these benefits, I literally would not have survived in the US for various reasons.

That might sound like an exaggeration but it's not. It's a fact due to my medical history. And if I had survived I'd be broke, but I'm not.

I love reading all the comments from people sharing a similar experience. This is what we deserve

Personally, vacation days are for medical appointments.

Just do appointments or other stuff in the early morning or late afternoon. You don't typically have to take the entire day off. Just an hour here or there.

Sometimes even then I still have to take an entire day off, but that is usually a very rare occasion.

have the same issue with making dental/medical appts, the managers are making it difficult and giving attitude.

I'm with you (although I'm Scandinavian, we have better systems in place for sick leave and childcare etc.). I've worked afternoons 14-23:30 M-T or nightshift 23:30-6:30 T-F + every other Monday to fill out the hours, almost all my life. Dayshift colleagues ask how I can stand it, but I wonder how they can stand it. If I'm going to the dentist, barber, shopping, or any other errand under the sun, I have no issues getting a time slot within max a couple of days, usually the day after.

I spend all my sick days and a non-negligible number of vacation days on the kind of chores you can only get done during work hours. Back when we had "Work From Home", I would also squeeze these tasks in during my lunch break.

I don’t want to burn sick time for a doctor’s appointment (I need to save those for when my kid is actually sick), and I sure as hell don’t want to use up a “vacation” day for it.

Well, good luck with that. My retired mother-in-law helps a lot with my son when he's ill. And we can juggle my son between our individual sick-day allotments such that I haven't run out yet. But yeah, eventually they're all just "hours to spend that my boss won't gripe at me for when I use them". That's meant dipping into vacation days when I needed to justify not being on the clock.

I recently (3 years ago) changed gears employment wise to a 2 week rotating schedule, working 7 days out of 14 plus and flex time usage. 10 years of house projects done in 6 months. New roof, kitchen renovation + new flooring/paint/trim throughout the house. Raised beds built and in use. Vermin proofed half the block to ward off woodchucks. I go fishing whenever.

60 hour work weeks simply aren't worth it to me.

For me its the other way around. I worked 3 different shifts, including weekends, all the holidays and my shifts would be so random up to 6 workdays in a row with one or two days off in between. Most weekends I've worked, and my friends were available only on the weekends, so I missed on many stuff. My sleep schedule was non existant and I've felt constantly tired - i couldn't recover after those night shifts with 2 days off. I wouldn't get to spend time with my gf, even though it's daily routine - cooking food, watching series before bed, etc, cause most time when she was free i would be either sleeping or working.

Getting the stuff done, your appointments is nice, especially in the mornings when you got evening shift later, there are definitely upsides to working in shifts. But definitely not for everyone, the random sleep patterns caught up to me and since then I'm working in office hours, feeling much better even though the pay is less.

I guess where are working matters a lot. My current workplace let me leave earlier if I need to, or WFH, there's no pressure in time-keeping and I love that. So many places feel like you're working in ER, but you're just making someone rich :D. Also the city I am living in is a 600k European city, where distances are smaller, most drive <1h here to work. But I would move to smaller town for sure of we had children.

I don't want to get into American vs European labor laws, but I'm getting 4week/year PTO as much sick days as I meed (with reduced pay) and child care days off, meaning 1 day off/2 months whenever you want.

Sensible employer, decent sized town, and good enough country.

I don't consider work separate from life. I wasn't happy in my previous job so I started my own bussiness and now I do what I like to do. I still wouldn't work if I didn't have to but because I do, might as well do something that I enjoy and feels meaningful. Admittedly I probably work more hours now than I did before and I took a paycut as well but for as long as it covers my expenses it's all good. Atleast I don't need to ask anyone's permission for.. anything.

I have a well paying job, not overly so, but around 20% over the national median. I also have a wife and 1 (soon 2!) kids. I work 8-17 with a 30 minute commute. After work I'm too exhausted to want to do much of anything except some gym and maybe some gardening. Before I even got together with my wife she suggested that she be a stay at home mom, which I accepted. Because of that we are far far below the national median family income to the point where we technically are just below the poverty line.

But oh my god I don't think I would want it any other way. My wife can take care of most of the domestic tasks and the brunt of the child care and none of us are overly stressed or burned out. I gladly take that hit in income in exchange for the huge quality of life increase compared to if we were to both work full time. I still help around the house on weekends so my wife can have some time off from her duties as well.

I constantly get more confident in our choice when I listen to colleagues and their constant complaints about how hard it is to keep your life together. Full time work, 8-9 hours a day, was designed in a time when a stay at home partner was the norm. It just doesn't make sense if you're single or if both are working. Maybe we two are lazy but I honestly don't think we could manage it mentally and energy wise.

I do understand however that I'm very privileged to live in a very low cost of living area. Our lifestyle, with my wage, would be impossible in most of the country I live in. Living close to poverty is alright with me. I don't desire much and we both have cheap hobbies. We cook all the food we eat. My wife repairs clothes that break. We only have one old shitty car. We don't travel internationally. But we still manage just fine.

We have an “occasional absence” policy where you can take a few hours in the middle of the day for a doctors appointment or such.

8-5?

You work 9 hrs?

My guess is its for people who really love their job. Like - Creature designer at ILM or something like that.

I end up taking half days off or working slightly later to offset leaving earlier on some days.

I've always wondered this as well. Everyone I know swears by the 9-5/8-5 day shift and im like "but you can't do like anything adult wise after or before work"

I run errands on the way home from work. Dr. Appts on weekends though I don't go much. That's just me though, having kids shit added in to my life sounds awful.

I do 12 hour shifts, 3 days on 3 off then 4 on 4 off pay periods. The 3 days off don't feel like enough so I don't know how people work with 2 days off. 12 hour shifts do make it hard to do anything when I get home though.

I'm fortunate enough that my last and current jobs have been accommodating if I need to duck out for an appointment. In general the expectation is to make up the time, but that's flexible depending on how much time is missed.

Other than that, I decided to not have children, so it's just my wife, me, and our dogs. My wife is 100% wfh, and I'm wfh 3 days a week, so we always have someone here when needed.

Before that when I worked retail and there was no leeway, I neglected things I need to do like going to the DMV, doctor and dentist appointments, and other things that technically could wait, but shouldn't. In emergency situations, I was expected to find coverage, and one time when I couldn't, I turned in my two weeks because they weren't budging.

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