Ask Lemmy

Holy shit man, reading your story was just slightly diffrent than mine. Like looking into a mirror.

My partner broke up with me 5 months ago, we've been together for 11 years with a kid of 5 years old.

I lost it a couple weeks ago now and had to be checked into a mental facility. My sister is helping my ex and long story short no one is on my side. I have one friend and my Mum doing her best to help, but if you ever want to talk. I'm here for you dude.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, it sucks getting no to little support and being betrayed like this. Please if you're in a bad head space, I'll be here for you and do my best to get back ASAP.

You should seek some help or at least find a support group. Churches have them and usually aren't too godly about the if you are opposed to religion.

Also stay off social media. It's only a window into the best parts of someones life.

Men are disposable in a genetic and social sense

Add on top of that patriarchy hurts us too, forwarding the 'strong silent' fiction

Everyone is shitty nowadays, not just your circle

hitting half a century this year, no one except me has ever given a fuck about my struggles

I just had an old friend hit me up to talk after his recent heartbreak. My dog had died my aunty had cancer and I’m at rock bottom with my finances. Haven’t heard from this friend in years. No idea what I was going through.

I realized all my friends from my youth were really shitty. Lack of reciprocal respect and kindness over the decades really dried up my empathy response. I sent him a rap lyric and wished him the best.

From my experience those emotions are wasted on others. This is completely anecdotal but something to reflect on. I get the sense that your friendships were not worth keeping and at this point it probably doesn’t matter whose fault that is.

Sucks to hear that mate. Unfortunately with most breakups, many/most shared friends will “pick a side”, either by feeling like they need you or by being asked to by 1 or both of the parties. For whatever reason it sounds like your ex got most of them - possibly by lying about the relationship and break up, as cheaters tend to lie a lot.

You have to think of it this way - if this is how they behave, they weren’t real friends in the first place and you’re better off without them. It might not feel like it, but you’re better off without them.

It sounds cliche but hit the gym, unfollow and BLOCK her on everything, and invest in YOU. You’ll quickly make new friends when you want to 1 again, the gym is great for this. Working out makes you feel good, will make you healthier and better looking, and the people there are generally there for the same reasons.

I’ve been told, and from personal experience it seems right, that it generally takes about 3 years to get over someone you loved after a break up. It might suck till then, but one day you’ll just realize you don’t have any feelings at all towards them any more.

Because Men aren't allowed to feel any emotion, and it's always our fault no matter what. Like how any type of masculinity is toxic and chivalry is considered rude or borderline SA.

And it's only getting worse.

Friends come and go, maybe you don't feel that way now but people can learn to live not depending on anybody for their well being. You just have to find your way and new friendships with the right people will show you that there is more to life than clinging on the past. Good luck!

Do I just have shitty people around me or is this just what guys deal with?

The latte,.been there done that 30 years ago albeit I keft (no cheating involved)

Good licwk amd hope u can come out the other side and not be bitter.

Sounds like that toxic relationship continued through divorce with her making everyone "take sides" and stealing all support. Can't give you any advice, you could reach out to some of your closest friends... Or, just start fresh with new people.. like, moving to a new city or neighborhood.

Good luck! Stay safe and strong :)

Hey dude, it sucks to be in your position now. Divorce is hard. You feel all alone and it seems the rest of the world just keep moving forward when all you really want is to stop and tend to this big wound that opened up.

People don't want to stop and see this wound you're dealing with because it makes them uncomfortable. I've experienced that the only ones who can empathize are the ones that have gone through something painful such as divorce, or losing a loved one.

I can't say if your existing friends were good/bad, but maybe you guys weren't close to begin with. I lost my "friends" during my divorce, some of it was me culling people out of my life because I realized they were just "fair weather" friends. I also realized that I wasn't a good friend to them either. New friends I made afterwards were closer because i shared my story with them and they accepted me. That's also why I made more friends with older single people, male and females, those who had seen some shit.

I got close with my siblings finally, which was amazing, I told them how I had suicidal tendencies or thoughts too. My family got super worried, but my brother's got close and checked in on me more. I made time for them too.

I know a message from an internet stranger may not mean much, but I wish you strength and kindness as you slog your way through to finding yourself again. You know that child that's deep down? That person that enjoyed doing whatever activity and got tremendous joy out of it? That guy. If you can, please look after that 12 year old version in your soul (hopefully that makes some sense).

May you be well.

Edit: spacing

Unfortunately a lot of people are going to assume you have it under control already and/or would prefer the solitude as you sort through it. That's not the extent of the issue, obviously, but that's a pretty significant compounding factor.

Getting support is not always a given. Try to get some hobbies and new friends.

I’m sure I’ll be downvoted to oblivion for this, but give ChatGPT or local LLMs a try for support. They are surprisingly effective, just keep the perspective that they’re about as alive as a screwdriver. They’re not alive and can’t form emotional or other bonds with you. Working through issues or thought processes or needed some base level support, they seem pretty decent at. Maybe it could limp you along to a building a support network.