this post was submitted on 21 Jun 2026
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"But i can see the tip of your penis"
Me: "and thats okay"
What an idea for a show, come in with an idea for your dumbest most useless consumer product, and the sharks will either tear you apart about it or fuck you over by making you a bad offer you probably won't refuse because you're poor and spent all your money to get there
It really is such a weird show, I've watched a couple of random episodes and every single one is just:
Entrepreneur: I'd like to introduce the tablet magazine! It's like a magazine but it's a tablet for some reaso-
Guy on the left: This is the stupidest thing I've heard in my entire life. You should end it all today.
Old man who unironically calls himself Mr. Wonderful: I've heard enough. I can give you a loan of $200k, but I want to own half your company and get your children's souls when they die. Do we have a deal?
LOL, that is really the whole show, once in a while you will see a three way where another one pretends to be interested to screw another one of the sharks over. It's business in a nutshell and it should have been a big red flag for all of us. "You wanna make it in this world kid? make an ass out of yourself in front of rich people on television"
Most accurate synopsis ever.
The show even had it in the contracts that the showrunners/ABC automatically got something like 5% of their company just for appearing.
The public outrage (and mark Cuban apparently) got that cut out after it was exposed, but it was amazingly exploitive.
https://www.inc.com/will-yakowicz/mark-cuban-forces-shark-tank-to-remove-equity-clause.html
Introducing the iPoo'd! Have you ever wanted to broadcast to your social media presence that you've successfully evacuated your bowels? No? Well now you can do just that, with this wifi-enabled button! You can even use the pressure-sensitive button and embedded LLM to express how explosive, painful, slimy, long, or even just a false-alarm. And if you pair it to our app, it can include your geolocation; perfect for sharing while on vacations or road-trips. With the iPoo+ subscription, users can attach the most violent noises they have made in the last 10 minutes upon button press, to really drive home the struggle. A prototype with a front-facing camera for livestreaming is in the works as well, preloaded with TikTok, Instagram, Microsoft Teams, and Zoom.
iPoo'd - Shit Happens™️
I'm in. How much do you need?