Questions for the XMPP users.

Yay, that's me! I'm a light duty user, others prob know more, but I will try.

Does the provider matter, what one?

I self-host on a VPS, and don't need a provider. It was not too hard to setup. But if you go that way, be sure to use OMEMO for E2EE. There was a way to force it for connections, not just allow it, but I forgot the details now.

Unlike some heavier options, XMPP server will run on a potato. Well assuming you are just doing it for you, friends, family, neighbors, w/e. Not like... the whole ass country you're in or sth.

With my own server, I could segment off from everything else. Which is what I wanted for my friends and family. But you can also federate if you want too.

Can i private/direct message users without setting up my own private provider?

If I'm getting your q, then yes.

1. Provider doesn't matter. I'm paying $6/mo for a Snikket instance, and $5/mo for a phone number from jmp.chat.

2. You can use any of them, Jabber, conversations, Snikket, cheogram, Prosody, etc. Xmpp works regardless of host. You could host your own and so task to people from other servers, it's almost like an email address or how Lemmy instances can see and talk.

3. Correct, you don't have to host your own server, but like I said I do for friends and family.

You could test it out if you like, most servers have free sign ups. Cheogram I think lists several that're open too. You can text other xmpp users as well as SMS-though be mindful no encryption is used for SMS. Just TLS but that's obv not e2ee.