FriendOfDeSoto

I think there is data on it. Back in school I remember looking at the population pyramid. It's a visualization of the number of men and women (x-axis, going both left and right) per birthyear (y-axis). In ye olden days, that formed a triangle. Many babies at the bottom, fewer olds at the top. You could tell a lot from the shape this took. You'd get dents on the male side that will correspond with armed conflicts, like the world wars. And then in the 1960s the pyramid with war chips in it massively narrows. At least in countries where the pill became readily available. It turned the pyramid into a tree with a big head at the top and a wide but thinner stem growing under it. I suspect now 80 years later we're at a much narrower elongated triangle shape again. So you can probably count the shift in numbers there and put a number on "prevented accidents." But you would have to account for other factors as well, improvements in medicine, vaccinations, etc.

Were all births accidental? That's a question you could only ask in hindsight. Humans have always looked for ways you prevent conception because we like to party but without reliable success. It's only in the second half of the last century that we have come up with measures that the Catholic church really doesn't approve of. Before that, children weren't really planned in today's sense. They just happened. They were expected to happen. And with most women being relegated to raising them and running the household, there wasn't much else they could do. The concept that a wife could be raped by her husband is sadly fairly new. The patriarchy was strong. Abortion was a gamble and many women died from bad jobs of them. Most of the time, if she got pregnant, the decision was made, end of story. If you weren't married yet, shotgun wedding. That's how it went until we developed contraception that actually works. I wouldn't call any kids before that accidental.

Sure, you could remain abstinent. But we like to party.

Did he really do them though? The reason why this is within the scope of belief is the fact that there's no conclusive evidence that removes reasonable doubt by contemporary standards.

Let's say it's all exactly as it says in the four different versions that are somehow considered canon and none of it is a millennia old game of telephone: did he choose to do them? Did his dad force him? Could he maybe not have had free will in this regard? Do we know about all the miracles? Maybe there were more! Would it be fair for us today to judge him based on incomplete records?

I would say that's technically not a bad joke. It just doesn't come across well given the context of this thread.

You should maybe indicate if you're critical of this exploitation or in favor. If it's the latter it would be easier for the mods. And if it's the former you would lessen the inherent yuckiness people feel when reading this.

If you enter into starting a family, adding kids through whatever means, and you think this should not alter the relationship, you have another think coming. Kids are hard work. First your focus is to keep them alive and out of trouble. And over time this gradually shifts towards them not becoming a-holes. This takes energy and time, a lot of it. And that's the most common reason why some couples have much less bedroom fun. They're exhausted. They're stressed. People behave differently when they're exhausted and stressed. Raising kids is a marathon, not a sprint. Ideally, it's a series of never ending gut wrenching crises until they move out. And truth is it doesn't even end there. Some relationships handle this better, some don't. None stay the same. If you think that your current childless relationship is any indication of how this would work with children, and you measure it by loving attention and how much sex you're having you're looking at the sky to measure the sea level. Get your head out of the clouds. You have to look at how you handle problems under pressure together. How you can support each other and not look at it as transactional. If that works, you stand a chance of a less bumpy transition into a functional family life.

Of course, every relationship is different. There are many other factors that will play a part and make shit even more complicated. I'm fairly confident though that I'm more right than wrong here with my generalizations.

You couldn't survive such a radical personality change? Yours changed too. You will probably not win any argument on the assumption that your partner changed into a version is their folks while you stayed the exact same. You're just the frog in the pot who didn't notice it got hotter.

I'm a still married father of two.

It would also make more sense to divide the day into something decimal but some base twelvers showed up first. It would also make more sense to stop using measurement systems where 12 hooplas equal 1 boink. The alphabet is just another thing like that. It's been stolen and rewritten and now we are stuck with it. You can write an alternative sound map to help new learners. But the 26 letter order is here to stay.

When you're using lemmy or mastodon, you don't have to use the website. You can use an app that goes from your fingers to the server without needing a browser and a website to exchange the information.

So most if not all the instances of the fediverse are also a website if you need to use it. But not every website is an instance of the fediverse.

I'm sorry about your mom's illness.

What I'm reading here in this thread is that you haven't found the right therapist yet. And us jokers on the internet cannot fill that void for you.

We all have to live with bad memories. Regardless of quality if we were to enter a pissing contest to see whose suffering is greatest. You're not living with yours, they keep you as a pet. I would go so far as saying being an obsessive goodie has not worked for you either. So look for a different therapist. At the very least another channel for you pent up regret. You can of course still be nice to the people around you. But you gotta give yourself a break from trying to outshine your average saint.

Without wading into the therapeutic too much, is there a way to move your PC, maybe to the bedroom. Or to set your partner up with wireless headphones.

I would say it isn't so important to put a label on either of you as it is to find a workable solution. So frame your approach in these terms, make a schedule for headphone time, don't engage in the at home therapy. Other than that, look for somebody who knows both of you better than me or anybody else here. The advice is probably going to be better.

How long have you been together? How long since you moved in together?

The movements of people since time immemorial does not adhere to the arbitrary political lines we've drawn between nations today. Both France and England have seen large scale immigration by the Romans, various old Germanic people, then the Vikings. All these people have killed and fucked each other. Attributing DNA to an area is partially a statistical likelihood, so there's a margin for error. Except in geographically and/or historically isolated areas, we're all more blended than anything else. That makes the race theory of the late 19th century seem so utterly ludicrous today but we can't quite completely get it out of our heads either.

Because they are a rebellious bunch. But it doesn't matter because in one belief the whole country seems united. And that is to ignore all the pleas of train operators to stand on both sides of the escalators to prevent long lines and crowding on the platforms. We're having none of that sensible crap.

There is a tendency to walk on the left in Japan as well. I wouldn't call it a rule but a vibe. For a society that is rigidly built on rules and conventions, they are remarkably flexible when it comes to tolerating people who swim against the stream. Not wanting to cause a fuss overrides a New Yorker outburst of the "Hey, I'm walking here!" variety. IMO they also insist less on the right of way or other car traffic rules when behind the wheel.