dennis5wheel

I am really this disconnected. thanks

Its bullshit and I left that job because the introverts doing real work were under rewarded while people who talked loud a didn’t do shit got promotions.

true and a short story:

in one of the units I worked at I found a nurse similar to me: socially awkward and introverted. The best worker of that unit. She would clock in, get report, get to work. Always. She was the only one at that unit working like that consequently, daily, to the point of skipping pauses and doing overtime for free.

To this day I believe this person, so similar to me, maybe even more introverted than me did that because she was also bullied at other units for being herself and the only way she found of defending herself and not being bullied was working according to standard, those completely unrealistic standards managements prints but everyone disregards because life happens at a hospital.

It's a perfect defense mechanism for an introvert: if I work nobody can talk to me therefore I won't be bullied.

Except that this work rhythm is completely unsustainable and I won't do it.

To add insult to injury, this coworker, even though she is the most hardworking person at that unit and extremely organized will never be promoted because she, like me, doesn't know to play the social game extroverts excel at.

story's over

The habits I developed

holy %#@$, you re a good actor. I'm a terrible one and have no patience for that. Kudos to you for being so good faking it I guess? I'm too transparent

true, I like getting to the point so nobody wastes energy, but people believe what they want to believe and are really fast making assumptions.

40/60 rule here.

I'm sorry but I'm gonna have to ask what you mean: 40% taking 60% giving?, 40% concentrating on my job 60% talking about inane stuff to placate them?

good post.

I didn't find you abrasive. Abrasive would be to start insulting, writing all caps, insinuating with no facts, ranting... like trump

did you overlook communication? Did you act as a lone wolf in a team? Did you overlook to show off your own contributions?

so it's not enough doing my job but I actually have to show off like a... show off what I actually do? this is childish (don't want to start an argument with you, just pointing out this is childish...)

acting as a lone wolf: no more than my coworkers: some coworkers like working all alone, other are more collaborative. The ones that work alone, I leave them alone.

The examples you give are quite extreme, did you communicate about them correctly or could you communication look like pointing fingers? Did you follow up on them in the way that is usually used in the team? Did you make an enemy of a key player?

that I don't know. I just want a quiet life.

I can tell you that what works for me is to be polite but distant. I’ll say “good morning!” to my coworkers and “have a good night!” At the end of the shift. I’ll be helpful when needed, and I’ll do my best to work well with others.

I already do this, but to some where I work, it's not enough.

the rest of your sentences are worth a try.

thank you for your detailed answer.

I don’t know if you resent the idea that your reasons have to be socially acceptable to these guys or should have to be massaged to avoid them taking things personally, but ask yourself this: do you want to teach them a lesson and demonstrate your contempt for them, or do you want to just be left alone to work and to continue to work effectively with them? Pragmatism over principle would make sense here.

my reasons have to be acceptable to them, because otherwise, they'll feel offended. And this is not a group of adults capable of separating work from personal life, they perceive slights very easily and once they feel offended, they lash out and use any pretext to not help with patients and suddenly, I'm the only one catering to patients while they sit and talk.

I just want to work until I find another workplace. I don't believe it makes sense to work with them long term.

In short, take the easiest route if possible and just eat somewhere else at lunch and redirect the conversation back to work if they keep talking to you during work.

I cannot eat lunch alone because I have to be on call, even when I'm doing my pause. As a matter of fact, I don't have a pause. At other units, employees take turns to pause and the ones on duty, work, so each of us gets 30 minutes of peace. This doesn't happen where I work because for whatever reason, manager wants us to eat all together and feels offended if somebody chooses not to eat with them. They feel offended even for this. If I choose eating elsewhere, manager will order me with her fake politeness to eat with them, because I have to be there, should a patient need me.

What about this: I'm there, eating with them. They ask me a privy question and I answer: 'nice weather today' or 'what did you have for breakfast'? completely ignoring the question and trying to redirect.

thank you for defending me, but as you can see, being a minority is not easy: a neutrally worded and genuine question is met by animosity because people like maalus simply don't understand or don't want to understand. And he get's upvoted. Even worse, he and his followers assume malevolence.

Just wanted you to know that I appreciate the feeling, but they are more and talk waaay more.

But still, I don't know what to tell my delicate coworkers.

And make no mistake, this post will also be downvoted...