immathrowawayig

It really wasn't the case at all, I can assure you that. I really don't pursue people if they didn't like me. I have confirmed with her many times, if I was bothering her and her answer was always no.

I want to all to think from my perspective. My assumption is she was collecting these friends and was liking all the attention they were giving her. She gate-keeping her friends to only herself and not letting us all be one group is kinda telling something I believe.

Honestly this is not the case. I have been very disconnected for the 1st year or so meeting her. Our texts spaced around hours or even days. We used to go back and forth sending delayed texts before the topics dies.

Later I have started being more active and she did the same. She was the one who said I have gotten close to her and not just my assumption.

Expectations wise, I was very clear from the start. But I am guessing she did had other expectations from how she entertained such expectations from her other friends.

Umm.. idk I am just too smiley ig. When I'm actively doing something infront of mirror I do not smile like a maniac tho. It only happens when I'm just sitting idle and seeing my face.

Alright since we are on this topic, I am gonna ask how y'all keep a straight face when a mirror is placed in front of you for about 30-45m straight?

I cannot, for the love of god, stop my smile at all. Especially when I'm slowly transitioning to a new look, I just can't stop smiling when a mirror is placed in front of me. Feels extremely awkward when a guy is working on you and you starts smiling for no reason.

That being said, I'm due for a haircut now. Planning to do it by this weekend. Last I got my haircut was in June(!). So, a good 2½ months.

I agree that I am immature as other people have identified too here. But how do I get matured? Go outside? Form friendships? Honestly atp of life, making friends seems hard and sadly I'm not that young. I have finished my studies. Guess I'm one immature adult but hoping to be a better version in the future.

Thanks for the advice.

Agree. I'll make sure to plan before and then have expectations set. Thanks.

Very true. It was just so stupid of me to assume she would be free. Usually she is, but I should've asked her anyway. My bad totally.

Thanks for your advice. You being in same situation as me in the past gives me hope. I'll to go out more and sed how it goes.

A lot of times I have posted on Internet especially on lemmy about my problems, people have identified that I might have ADHD. So yeah, I think, at this point I have ADHD. I'll look for ways to deal with it. Thanks.

Umm, what do you mean? You think someone cat fishing me? If so, then why do you think so, we have been friends for almost 4yrs now.

Tbh I always had this worry about her. Always was suspicious about her having some ill intentions behind her acts. Especially when she maintained alt accounts on Instagram. Lied quite a few times to me. She said that it was her main account when she gave it to me but turned into alt later. I really can't believe on that because for some reason she changed her username for her alt account after she gave it to me. And also completely forgot that she even shared her ID to me and which raises another question that how many friends like me is she maintaining that she forgot to whom she gave her alt account to.

Honestly idk at this point, after multiple fights and arguments with her I am tired to think that way as it brings a lot of anxiety and consumes my energy. She complained that I don't trust her, and I have come to a conclusion that only trusting her can put an end to my anxiety.

Thanks for the detailed write-up. And you are spot-on I believe. I agree with almost all of the points and funny how I didn't realise how hypocritical I was.

But few things I want to clear here. Yes, I was sad about things not going my way but I didn't express these to her nor blamed her for ruining my evening or something. I just let her go. I only came here, trying to understand why I felt that way and what I can do about it. That's it.

And true, I am not ready for relationship and I often feel I don't have any personality at all. Low self-esteem and insecure are some other things I have identified in me, which I forgot to mention in my post. And having these qualities has made me push my friends away. I currently have 0 irl friends, and sad part is she is my only friend I have rn with whom I can open about everything. There are people who are in touch with me as friends but I am not very open to them at all and I really can't gel with them.