It's kind of impossible to not judge others by the standards we set for ourselves, but I think it is important to learn to isolate that judgement from the appreciation of someone else as an individual---social life is full of contradiction and you must learn to operate with these ambiguities---that is to say, I don't think you need to stop being critical of how people use substances but you can compartmentalize this thought and still be friendly with people. From another perspective, people are usually offended by judgement of their habits, so it doesn't serve you to share these thoughts directly. They will be more receptive to you and your ethical code if you give them enough subtle social signals that you don't care what they do, and if you actually want to change someone's behavior you have to form this social bond first.
And with regards to partners, it's not unrealistic but you may have to be very patient. Personally I sometimes think about how capitalism reifies this one path of life, finding a life partner and starting a family. All the media and narratives in our current society reify this, elevating and transforming the sexual impulse towards this; whereas in radically different social contexts of the past it was not pathological to deviate from this. Engels wrote about this ("On the Origin of the Family" I think) and as comunists we should interrogate all aspects of the existing social order.
It's kind of impossible to not judge others by the standards we set for ourselves, but I think it is important to learn to isolate that judgement from the appreciation of someone else as an individual---social life is full of contradiction and you must learn to operate with these ambiguities---that is to say, I don't think you need to stop being critical of how people use substances but you can compartmentalize this thought and still be friendly with people. From another perspective, people are usually offended by judgement of their habits, so it doesn't serve you to share these thoughts directly. They will be more receptive to you and your ethical code if you give them enough subtle social signals that you don't care what they do, and if you actually want to change someone's behavior you have to form this social bond first.
And with regards to partners, it's not unrealistic but you may have to be very patient. Personally I sometimes think about how capitalism reifies this one path of life, finding a life partner and starting a family. All the media and narratives in our current society reify this, elevating and transforming the sexual impulse towards this; whereas in radically different social contexts of the past it was not pathological to deviate from this. Engels wrote about this ("On the Origin of the Family" I think) and as comunists we should interrogate all aspects of the existing social order.