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After four days on that instance, have you not figured it out for yourself yet?
You will, eventually
Edit: a bit of instant-hopping is not unusual in the beginning. Part of the Lemmy experience is finding an instance where you feel comfortable. That might take a while and more than a few attempts.
Just a side note
The instance you’re on doesn’t really matter very much if you never read the local feed. If you do, you’ll definitely notice the local vibe sooner or later.
If you’re on an instance that is widely defederated, you may also notice that it’s difficult to find communities. Also, people may comment on your instance if it happens to be particularly notorious. The server hardware and bandwidth may also matter in some extreme cases.
Other than that, instances don’t really matter that much.
Or one that widely defederates.
I believe mander is the only instance that has a policy of only defederating illegal content.
In contrast .world has a huge de-federation list.
I took a look at those stats a while back, and the defederation procedure totally goes both ways.
As far as I can tell, bigger instances have bumped into issues that were resolved through defederation. Smaller instances haven't faced those kinds of problems, so they haven't defederated with any instances yet.
If all the big instances have defederated your instance, that's clear sign that there might be something wrong with that place. If your instance has defederated from a bunch of other instances, take a look at the size of that instance before drawing conclusions. For example lemmy.world is a special case and a clear outlier.
Why does Lemmy.world defederate so much?
Haven't asked the admins, but here's my guess.
Being the most well known instance means that you get a lot of traffic. Let's say that 1% of the people using your instance are annoying morons. In a smaller instance that 1% translates to maybe one ban a month or whatever. In a bigger place, it becomes a constant onslaught stupid idiot bullshit nobody has the time or energy to deal with. Either you get a bunch of admins and mods to deal with that nonsense or you start banning users more aggressively. If that doesn't help, you may need to look at the instance where those troublemakers come from. If you notice that a particular instance pops up disproportionately often, you might want to consider defederating from it.
However, some part of that drama is public on fediseer. Have a look. Just scroll down to censures given and read the reasons why lemmy.world has defederated from so many instances.
To maintain an overton window firmly within liberalism. Pre-emptively defederating hexbear "as a last resort" gave the game away.
If this was actually the case, they would've been long defederated from ml. That is yet to happen as of now