this post was submitted on 27 Dec 2025
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So there's this thing, and I think it applies to myself to some degree, where even when men want to be more caring/supportive/just not care as much about gender role ideas stemming from patriarchy, there's a degree of holding back because of the policing for toxic masculinity. If a man acts distinctly "feminine" (or more like, what patriarchy calls "feminine"), a not-insignificant amount of men will act like they are "lesser" for behaving this way because patriarchy sees its idea of feminine as the "lesser gender." Naturally, people don't want to feel put down by peers, so even when well-intentioned and striving to not fall prey to the walls of role expectations, there can be some holding back.
For example, I can go "aww" about something being cute, but still struggle to cry in front of other people. This isn't to say you need to be able to cry in front of others to shed patriarchy, but just to give an example of how there can be partial movement without fully challenging the "chains."
Incidentally, I think this is one reason I like the sketch comedy channel Chris and Jack. They like to do this thing where their sketches go in a direction that challenges the normal "tough guy" male friendship dynamic in some way. And it's refreshing to see a perspective on it that challenges the norm.