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So, my intent is not to turn this into the misery Olympics or anything, so I'm just going to clarify a few points and say that the main thrust of my message was the end: if people are telling you what they can and can't afford in a country you're less familiar with, it's probably better to assume they know their own economy better than you do, rather than deciding a nation of hundreds of millions of people are financially over cautious.

The $1000 figure is for all of the US, regardless of if it's high income low cost of living or anything else, and refers to money that can be deposited in savings at the end of the month.
For example, the UK has this figure at roughly $1100 USD.

The city I live in has remarkably close to twice the expenses as yours. In the US a car isn't optional unless you live in the biggest if cities though. It would take four hours for me to walk to my doctor's office, and longer by bus, but there's only four bus visits per day at the office. A fair bit of the roadway lacks sidewalks. Either way a doctor's visit means taking a day off work if you don't have a car.

The 25% rate isn't poverty rate, it's more a measure of financial safety margin. You can be well above the poverty line and still have zero net income, it just means you can't tolerate changes in income or expenses without things becoming extremely problematic. Our poverty level is based on an idealized measure of food costs nationwide and does a poor job measuring things. It was originally put together before we had great knowledge of what contributed to poverty, and it's been a political tool used as a lever to justify cutting assistance programs for a long time, so changing it has been difficult.

I think you got my description backwards. There's an amount I pay no matter what, and a point after which I pay nothing (with caveats). So the most I pay is that $11k number, unless the insurance company decides a procedure was unnecessary or the provider was unsupported (if you end up in the hospital you might not be able to choose your doctors, and some of them might not be covered by your insurance, which you'll find out later. Aforementioned baby delivery cost $650,000 . I paid $6,500. Then I got billed for another $12,000 and change because of stuff like the insurance company deciding some tests were unnecessary and not working with some of the nurses.). My insurance situation is pretty good though, since a lot of people have significantly less at a higher cost.

it sounds like you're probably better off with any odd job in Europe if you put it that way

That is in many ways true. America has a higher cap on income but Europe generally has a better safety net. I'm fortunate to have ended up in a low cost of living area with a high salary job, so I'm currently better off where I am, but as children and myself get older, a social safety net that means my retirement isn't at the whims of the stock market and an education system that won't potentially put my children in debt for life has an increasingly large appeal.

San Diego is a very high cost of living area. $100,000 would be a modest income there that would get you a minimal comfortable life. Like, $3,000 a month for a 1 bedroom apartment.
San Diego is also one of the safest cities in the US. Fun fact: while confirming that I found out I live in one of the more dangerous cities in the country. So that's fun.
So yeah, San Diego is gonna give you more wealthy people with higher costs of living and very low crime. Factor that in to your assessments.

Housing economics are very disparate between countries. You can't directly compare them easily. A two story house is basic construction here, they tend to avoid building anything smaller because it's not significantly cheaper to build or sell. Our houses are built with different objectives so they tend to be cheaper to make taller, and it's just expected that it'll get replaced in 50 or 60 years.
The person you talked to in San Diego was likely renting a house, which is often cheaper than an apartment. That fits with the price you mentioned.