The Deprogram

1. Ukraine never had nuclear weapons, it was under the nuclear umbrella of the russian SFSR, the nukes, launchers and codes were never in ukrainian hands. The russian security guarantees post USSR were only valid for as long as ukraine would remain a sovereign state, so moot post 2014.
2. Ukraine is fascist state currently. Stop simping for them and wishing for nazis with nukes.
3. Ukraine was in the process of ethnically cleansing its russian minority. Had Ukraine had nukes the Ukrainian equivalent of the Nakhba would have happened. So not only are you simping for fascists, you are also implicitly siding with Isreal just because it has a nicer coat of paint now.
4. Crimea left on its own devices because the coup government did everything to piss the locals off. That would have happened in any case. Crimea always disliked to be part of Ukraine and voted to leave multiple times after the end of the USSR, its continued presence within the ukranian state was bases on the premise that Kiev would not start shit with Russia and the russian language language would receive equal treatment as the ukrainian language as offical language of the state. Both was pissed away by Kiev in 2014.
5. The Donbas did the same, but was to slow to fuck off because Kiev sent in the death squads faster.

I'm pretty sure Ukraine's weapons were unusable as they didn't have the codes to fire them but yeah

That too lol