this post was submitted on 22 Apr 2026
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[–] AmidFuror@fedia.io 4 points 2 hours ago (1 children)

"My statement was obviously an exaggeration. It was not meant as advice to be taken literally," he said. "The overwhelming majority of men are not violent and are not criminals."

I guess better advice would be how to get background information on prospective partners and, if there's no history in the courts or from former partners, what some red flags to look for might be. How do you differentiate the safe men from the dangerous ones?

From the article, the chief and the reporter got threats afterward. A bit ironic to want to do violence to someone who warned that relationships can become violent.

[–] TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 3 points 1 hour ago* (last edited 1 hour ago) (1 children)

There is no way to predict the future. A lot of violence in relationship takes months/years to appear. Plenty of violent and abusive people have no criminal record or red flags. And the ones who are really good at it... know how to manipulate people and tend to be very charming and attractive. There is no 'standard profile' of an abuser.

Further lots of bad partners only drop their good person act once they have reached a level of security in the relationship. I had one girlfriend who only started physically attacking me once we had reached the stage of moving in. Because she finally felt she 'had' me and she could be her 'real self', and that 'real self' was a terrible person and her fake self had been wonderful. Her 'feeling safe' with me was what allowed her to slap, punch, and kick me. She was totally shocked and BETRAYED that I left her for her physical abuse, because I was a stupid man who didn't understand that "I had made her really angry and she couldn't help herself because she loves me so much!"

[–] AmidFuror@fedia.io 1 points 21 minutes ago

I think it's fair to say histories and red flags are not enough. But they are something. You will have false negatives (the guy hid it or his personality has changed for the worse) and false positives (the guy has changed for the better or the red flag wasn't a good indicator).

You can't predict behavior with certainty, but you can improve your odds.