this post was submitted on 24 Apr 2026
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Our Tinder experiences must have been very different.
Yes, men are competing in theory, but no more so than in real life. And the app literally puts you in contention with them.
The other thing is, if you’ve decided that it is in fact a competition, then the thing to remember is that those other people are also competing with you. Just don’t consider them, they’re not relevant to you.
My girlfriend had 80+ matches when I started talking to her. I had 3. And yet here we are. I’ve no doubt it was the same for the other women I met on there.
Dating on apps is the same as dating in real life. If you’re genuinely searching for someone, you need to get yourself noticed and be the best that you can be. The basics are equally important in both worlds. Be a good person, make people laugh, be interesting, be interested in them, don’t immediately be a thirsty prick, exercise, feel good about yourself, etc, etc.
Every day i had it installed i cursed that i had to even use the application, it just made me feel miserable and that i'm just cattle for the corporation, not human being searching for another.
It constantly trys to hook you into spending money and reminds you that you might be missing out if you dont with the blurred profiles of people that have liked you, which are always someone from hundreds of km away anyway or bots, but they might not be also.
And there is also that I'm neurodivergent, so it also filters me out from majority of other people > others just think fundamendally differently than me. And only people that match with me are people i'm not necessarily that interested in but would be willing to at least get to know them, but that isnt very good starting point for finding a girlfriend. I know i would have at least something to offer to others, but i'm not that good at expressing myself so I wont be given a chance or will get misunderstood because i can't express myself in right way.
Mere existence of dating applications kind of make me anxious, since it means other people will be using those instead of being open outside of them. I dont want to even use them, but i feel that i'm forced to if i want to meet people that are looking for anything.
I have also used other applications too, like badoo, hinge and even okcupid. While on tinder you get more matches than on those others, people seem to be less interested in actually talking with you.