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253

I avoid approaching women in public because I believe it's inappropriate. My parents say that it's a necessary skill. Who is right? (lemmy.world)

submitted 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) by sprigatito_bread@lemmy.world to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

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The other day, my parents asked me (22M) if there were any women that I find attractive (I guess because they're paranoid about me being gay lol) and I told them yes, there's a fair number of women that I've seen in public that I've found attractive.

They asked me, "Do you talk to any of them?" and I said "No??? It's inappropriate to approach women in public unless you have business with them."

I told them that it is only appropriate for a man to talk to a woman he doesn't know when the social situation is explicitly designed for meeting strangers—dating apps, hobby groups, meeting friends of friends, etc. In my view, cold approaching women you don't know just because you're attracted to them is harassment.

My parents told me that I'm being ridiculous and making excuses because I'm nervous. They are adamant that I need to learn to approach women or else I will never find a partner. I told them that times have changed and this is disrespectful and potentially predatory behavior along the lines of unsolicited flirting and catcalling. Approaching women is a violation of their personal space and could make them feel very uncomfortable, especially if they feel like they don't have an easy way out.

My parents are almost 60 and they are very conservative, so they don't exactly follow progressive discourse, and I feel like they're super out of touch on this as a result. Particularly, my mom tends to strike up conversations with other women in public, and she's skeptical when I tell her that I can't do the same thing because I'm a man and would be viewed as a potential predator.

But I also don't get out much, which makes me second-guess how distorted my understanding of the social world is from reality. My parents are like a broken clock, and sometimes they DO have a point about something despite 90% of their opinions being insane. Maybe there is a more nuanced reality that I'm not picking up on.

So I wanted to ask here. Are my parents out of touch? Am I out of touch? Are we both wrong? I want to know your opinion.

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[–] gandalf_der_12te@lemmy.blahaj.zone 0 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

i'm not particular what you would call a normal guy and i have a lot of edgy views, but my take on this is simply that the main and by far number one reason why you're not supposed to talk to women nowadays is because social media has instilled an outright fear of men in women.

you see, women are naturally very intelligent and pick up signals, even small ones, fast. if they see a hundred social media posts a day, and even one of them says something like "men are bad, keep away from them", they will take the warning very seriously, even though there might be not much of a good reasoning behind it. maybe whoever wrote that social media post was only a crazy christian and was saying it because she was worried about staying "pure". there are unfortunately christian people out there who think that "morale" and stuff like "staying pure [from men flirting with women]" are more important than understanding the social needs of the people. such is religion. over the internet it spreads like crazy. that's why the women are all afraid of men. to which i respond with this meme:

(which means as much as: the fear is artificial and instilled; look at the actual predators. it is the rich)

My advice for you is: stay careful, as there are crazy "feminists" out there, who are only looking for a "catch". For example, they want to test their "critique" on someone, and try to hurt you simply because they're looking for a fight. but also, you must understand that only your heart will carry you forward, so you must listen to it. it is a difficult path to walk, but maybe you can try it.