this post was submitted on 22 Jun 2026
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[–] MBech@feddit.dk 107 points 1 day ago (7 children)

People should just find people they're sexually compatible with. No one owes you anything, and you don't owe anyone anything. Just do whatever you want with consenting adults. I don't understand why this concept is so fucking hard? You don't like bush, cool, don't sleep with someone who has one. You like to have a bush? Cool, don't sleep with someone who doesn't like it. Simple as that people. No one decides what they like and what they don't. You can't force someone to like your body, so why even bother? There's plenty people out there who likes you the way you are.

[–] Katrisia@lemmy.today 4 points 17 hours ago

This is the answer in a pragmatic sense, in our day to day. It works, it's fine. The thing is our tastes are not 100% natural and spontaneous, they can be influenced by context, and that context can be problematic. So the extra step these discussions are asking us to do is beyond the pragmatic or useful day to day advice you gave. It is questioning why we have those tastes. "Why don't I like natural cis women?", "Why am I not attracted to black people?", "Why do I refuse to date trans guys?". Etcetera. If we find it is not because of prejudices, societal expectations, 'must be's from unequal societies, or anything like that, then it's an unfortunate coincidence but we can move on. But if we find something like that (those things I listed), it is not necessarily permanent, I think most of the times it can be worked on, changed, and these discussions are also an invitation to do so.

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 16 hours ago

Here's my approach to this, as a dude:

I mean, really I don't have a broad preference for or against bush at all...

... but, if you want me to smooch things down there, please tidy up a bit.

I just don't like having a mouth full of hair.

Don't worry, I will tidy up too, for the reverse scenario, if partner also dislikes mouthful of hair, and! ... this also applies to my facial hair... I'm not that attached to it, and it will grow back, if you want to smooch my face but don't like the beard/stache.

Maybe I am lucky in that I at least I think I look decent both with or without a beard/stache.

This is to me completely fair and reciprocal, and ... really is not that conplicated.

[–] baggachipz@sh.itjust.works 30 points 1 day ago (3 children)

You don't like bush, cool, don't sleep with someone who has one.

Should this conversation happen prior to the encounter, then?

[–] MBech@feddit.dk 48 points 1 day ago (3 children)

Nothing wrong with talking about expectations prior to banging.

[–] baggachipz@sh.itjust.works 70 points 1 day ago (1 children)

“Oh you grew up in Phoenix? My family’s in Scottsdale. So, like, do you have pubes?”

[–] HAL_9_TRILLION@lemmy.dbzer0.com 57 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Sorry, Scottsdale is a dealbreaker.

[–] runner_g@piefed.blahaj.zone 1 points 8 hours ago

I can excuse Scottsdale but I draw the line at Cave Creek.

[–] Viceversa@lemmy.world 16 points 1 day ago (2 children)

In theory - yes. But in practice it would be rude and / or ruining the moment.

[–] Postmortal_Pop@lemmy.world 14 points 1 day ago (1 children)

If the moment can be ruined by something little, it was going to be ruined to begin with.

[–] Viceversa@lemmy.world 8 points 1 day ago
[–] velma@sh.itjust.works 14 points 1 day ago (4 children)

Much more rude to tell a woman you don't want to fuck her after she's taken her clothes off.

[–] tomiant@piefed.social 0 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

He doesn't "owe her anything", so...

[–] velma@sh.itjust.works -2 points 13 hours ago

Never said he did. I’m saying it’s probably better to bring up such a strong preference before clothes come off.

[–] Stinkywizzleteats@piefed.social 10 points 1 day ago (1 children)

sex is physical use body language

altr

[–] velma@sh.itjust.works 1 points 1 day ago

This one got me hahah

[–] Viceversa@lemmy.world 1 points 1 day ago

You've forgot another scenario.

[–] village604@adultswim.fan -1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Wouldn't that technically mean she's raping you?

[–] velma@sh.itjust.works 1 points 21 hours ago (1 children)
[–] village604@adultswim.fan -1 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

It was a tongue-in-cheek comment about people who legitimately believe that a woman has been raped if she changes her mind during, but never relays that information to the man.

[–] velma@sh.itjust.works -3 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

No one was talking about that here. YOU brought up rape unprovoked.

Rape isn't funny.

[–] village604@adultswim.fan 1 points 13 hours ago (1 children)

You straight up said it's not ok to tell a woman that you're no longer interested in sex.

Having sex when you don't want to because you feel pressured into it is generally considered SA when it happens to a woman.

[–] velma@sh.itjust.works -3 points 13 hours ago

Nothing wrong with talking about expectations prior to banging.

In theory - yes. But in practice it would be rude and / or ruining the moment.

Much more rude to tell a woman you don’t want to fuck her after she’s taken her clothes off.

Since reading comprehension has escaped you here - I said it's more rude to share you won't fuck hairy women after clothes are off. It is a better idea to be upfront about how you can't get your dick hard unless a woman is hairless rather than share that after clothes have already come off.

I said absolutely fucking NOTHING about rape or forcing people to have sex they don't want.

[–] velma@sh.itjust.works 4 points 1 day ago

Weeds out the weak quickly lol

[–] VeganCheesecake@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 23 hours ago (1 children)

If it's actually a total deal breaker for you then ... probably?

[–] baggachipz@sh.itjust.works 0 points 19 hours ago

Nah, I’ve been married for 22 years, I don’t care anymore. Actually never did.

[–] surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 21 points 1 day ago

If you care enough about it, yes.

[–] Hazel@piefed.blahaj.zone 3 points 23 hours ago (1 children)

There's plenty people out there who likes you the way you are.

Hahaha, good one 😂

... now I'm sad 😔

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 16 hours ago (1 children)

pokes your shoulder

Hey, I like you!

How's today going?

[–] Hazel@piefed.blahaj.zone 1 points 1 hour ago

Hiii, yesterday was pretty bad, thanks for asking :)

[–] danciestlobster@lemmy.zip 14 points 1 day ago (1 children)

This is the real answer. I mean some compromise is normal and healthy in a relationship, but for the most part everyone just do what you are comfortable with and find people who are good with that

[–] velma@sh.itjust.works 11 points 1 day ago

Yep and if people at large could stop commenting on women's body hair publicly, then everyone could be even more focused on finding people they are compatible with <3

[–] velma@sh.itjust.works 5 points 1 day ago (1 children)

This is about people who go out of their way to comment on typically women’s bodies or go out of their way to leave hate comments to women online for having body hair.

This is in the intro of the video.

[–] MBech@feddit.dk 6 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I'm mostly refering to some of the comments in this thread. A lot seem to take it very personal that some people might not be into the same thing they are.

[–] velma@sh.itjust.works 6 points 1 day ago

Weird, I'm mostly seeing George Bush jokes.

[–] ReptilianCleric@lemmy.zip 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Umm, I do, in fact, decide what I like or don't like. That's true for everybody. But I don't decide what you like, and vice versa. So the issue is still that you can't decide for other people what they're into.

[–] Shellofbiomatter@lemmus.org 2 points 1 day ago (1 children)

How does that work? Especially given the context. As I've understood attraction and what one likes about the other person aren't really changeable? I'm genuinely curious how can that be changed or decided?

[–] ReptilianCleric@lemmy.zip 1 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I don't know - maybe just owning your choices?

[–] Shellofbiomatter@lemmus.org 3 points 23 hours ago* (last edited 22 hours ago)

And still, hows that supposed to change what one likes?
Of course i can consciously decide to override likes and preferences, but that still doesn't change those. It will still be conscious decision every time.

And giving the current context of sex. As I've understood, we aren't supposed to force that? Like we don't go up to someone who's gay and say why don't you decide to like women, of course some do, but we're not supposed because those likes aren't supposed to be changeable.