ADHD

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116

I can't stop when its time to stop (lemmy.today)

submitted 5 days ago by Remy@lemmy.today to c/adhd@lemmy.world

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Hello, I have a big problem that interferes with every aspect of my life. And I want to ask you all if you experience this too and/or you have any ideas on how to improve this behavior?

The Problem

When I do anything interesting, or anything that just isn't completely boring, I can't stop when it's time to stop and start the doing the next thing. I always think, something like "Just five minutes more" and then I sometimes finish hours later than I had planned. This breaks all time-sensitive plans and also causes me to go to sleep far too late.

I don't think that its simple procrastination, because what I feel when I do it, is not about not wanting to start the next thing, but about not wanting to stop the current thing.

List of things I already do / have already tried

Setting up alarms that remind me that I need to stop doing the current thing and start doing the next thing
Creating schedules
Configuring the Wifi Router to turn of at certain times: This is very effective (when I have taken out my SIM card before), but its only helping with cutting the wifi at the end of the day for bedtime, not other time sensitive tasks that are necessary to even enable me to sleep on time (like eating dinner early enough)
Buffer time: Most of the time I can't get my self to view the buffer deadline as the actual deadline
Reading books about habits: I read some books about habits, but these books are mostly about starting an activity, or don't starting an activity at all, but I need to do certain things, and stop doing them on time.
This list is probably incomplete

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[–] SorryImLate@piefed.social 1 points 1 day ago

I enabled this has an automated feature, but most of the time, I turn it off manually without thinking much about it

It wouldn't work as an automated change for me either. I only use it to switch off when I feel stuck. You know that feeling of "just one more post / episode / video", when you know you need to stop but it just feels too hard? That's what I use this for, as a support for doing something I actually want, not as a timer limiting my online time.

This could work if I put the alarm in a difficult to reach position, so I realy need to stop the current thing to reach it, and then it may be easier to start the next thing?

It may help to set the immediate goal lower than "start the next thing". The aim of the alarm is to stop what you're doing and give yourself space to make an active choice. So turn off the alarm and go get a drink, or go to the bathroom, or go stand on the balcony and enjoy the sun, something quick and easy that physically feels good. A couple of minutes later, you should feel a bit more distance from the previous task. Now make an active choice on what you're going to do next.

I think listening to music could be a good task switcher, especially if the music is motivating

It works for me. I do have to start an existing playlist or select from a prior shortlist though, otherwise there's a risk I lose an hour choosing what to listen to 😂

This definition seems to match on almost all digital activities?

Unfortunately true 🫤 The podcast I mentioned "Your undivided attention" is all about technology that is designed for maximising your time on screen, rather than maximising your utility. The woman I mentioned actually studied physical casino design, and it's kinda scary to hear how her findings translate into the digital world.

Depressing stuff aside, understanding this has helped me make better choices. For example, Piefed has a scrollable feed but it's not infinite - after a certain number of posts I have to actively page on. I enjoy logic puzzles and now I only play on sites that have daily games, and avoid sites where you can keep starting a new game. Small design differences can have a big impact. Also, I find it helps to understand why my brain struggles to stop in certain situations - I don't appreciate being manipulated and that negative emotion bolsters my will power.