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I’m starting to believe I’m a very strange person. Help? (lemmy.ml)

submitted 2 days ago by marc4267@lemmy.ml to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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On one side I enjoy solitude, walking alone, drawing, fishing and cooking. Most people bore me because I find them dull and superficial. I specially hate the talkative, needy ones who wont shut up and believe I care what they think. I dislike big groups of drunks or people that need to yell and listen to loud music to feel good.

On the other hand, I’ll die one day, possibly alone, because I don’t have the emotional bandwidth for a girlfriend, marriage or raising children, nor to go to a club or a similar social occasion where people find other humans and maybe a partner.

Suddenly, dying alone with no children feels depressing: Everything I save and don’t spend will be appropriated or sold, everything I learn, a whole life of experiences, will simply be forgotten, I know I won’t feel anything when I die, or after, and I shouldn’t care about it, but I still feel sad I’m going to die without nobody but the debt collectors noticing my death. Suggesting I marry out of desperation so I don’t die alone would be a terrible idea. So don’t. I’m too set on my ways and wouldn’t be fair to any child.

I like some human contact but feel the world offers me either loud, drunk jerks, immature idiots or the complete solitude I have now, a solitude I mostly enjoy but sometimes makes me feel alone.

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[–] 404found@lemmy.zip 8 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Suddenly, dying alone with no children feels depressing

Read my long post because I feel like there is at least 1 thing you can take away from it.

Often times those people make life a lot more stressful. You can live a fulfilling life without these things. Most legacies die off quickly after a generation. How often do people talk about their great grand parents compared to their parents? Significantly less often.

I suggest you expand your social circle. Solitude is addictive. At first your wellbeing improves so you start to make it one of your top priorities. As you chase the solitude dragon, it stops feeling as good but it's become all you know and the negative effects kick in.

Try this before you say hell no. Volunteer at an event related to one of your interests. Volunteers are normally really nice people in my experience. You can get a 'bonus' improved sense of wellbeing knowing you helped people. There is a void in your life because you can't use your life experience to improve the lives of a partner or kids right? You can fill some of all of that void by using your knowledge to volunteer at things that interest you. When the event is over then you get to go back to solitude to relax. You might even meet cool people. Relationships often start with similar interests.

Accept people for who they are and don't define them by their flaws. You don't have to go to a bar with a drunk to be their friend. That drunk might only end up drinking certain days or time of the day. Maybe as you get to know them they show you new things about fishing or have awesome new recipes. Maybe you thought they were a drunk and then learned they normally don't drink like that.

You are losing out on learning things you never knew existed when you define people by their flaws. An extreme example would be racism. Hating people because of their heritage but knowing nothing about their culture. People aren't one dimensional.