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"imagine you are on your deathbed" is exactly where my mindset currently resides. I'm not close enough to the grave to truly be feeling this way, but I do feel like this is crisis-time, and with zero guarantee I'll survive another 20 years, I'm beginning to value and fear time.
All of these suggestions have merit, and I appreciate them immensely. The scenario you painted is one of my greatest fears, with a slightly greater fear being that I don't have answers to any of those questions. I try to live without regret. Do I have regrets? Absolutely. Do I allow them to control my existence? Well, that's what the meds are for.
In all seriousness, I don't know what I want my answers to be. Without answers to the impossible questions (what is the point of all of this?), I struggle to not only find answers, but to formulate questions worthy of answers.