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Point clarification: the firefighters ended up not being necessary?
And yes, like training an LLM, you've taken in negative feedback to not do this, not do that, maybe some positive feedback along the way on how to do something right, and when things really mattered and someone was in danger, you engaged the LLM part of your brain to think two steps ahead...and it gets thrown back in your face.
Your breaking point is completely warranted, because you hit a point where you realized that no amount of messing with internal weights and trying to guess what they want would ever work, so why bother stressing over it anymore?
The firefighters were necessary, and falls of this nature kept happening at an increasing pace. That parent, simply isn't able to walk safely anymore - and they have a stubborn streak of not asking people to help them. This residence I am in, also has many hoarded items of that parent, that are not allowed to be thrown away.
Fortunately, they are now in a elderly care facility.
Congratulations on getting almost all the way out. It sounds like the hoarded items thing will come up at some point, but you knew that.
Your reaction is a lot like that of people who've been parentified when they were younger (forced to take care of younger siblings). There's a similar reaction out of the parents when the child doesn't carry out the portion of The Plan devised for them.
There's more honesty in a parent/child relationship where the parents tell the children they're out the door on their 18th birthday so the children have time to plan. At least that way the children know for sure where they stand.