[Answered]:
People who are attracted to trans people are far more likely to only be attracted to our hormonal sex than to only be attracted to our assigned sex at birth.
In general in queer spaces it's understood that sexual orientation respects gender identity, for example I like both cis and trans women, but have no desire for anyone with a testosterone dominant body, and I identify as a lesbian.
Some people aren't into trans people of their preferred gender, just like some people aren't into fat people of their preferred gender. In general the rules of politeness that one would follow for the latter should go for the former.
Thanks @captainlezbian@lemmy.world
Honorable mentions @MagicShel@lemmy.zip and @Barley_Man@sopuli.xyz
Thank you all so far for being considerate and kind.
Posed Question: So the question of gender identity as I understand it is basically a solved question: people identify as they identify, and that seems totally reasonable. Go to the bathroom you want to use, just wash your hands. The argument is tautological, a woman is what she tells you she is.
What does this actually mean though at the intersection of gender identity with sexual preference? I don't know where else to ask this to get better responses so I expect to get raked across the coals.
If a woman is a woman, a person who says "I crave girl dick" is then a straight perspective? I have a hard time agreeing with it on the merits, but that might be a me problem?
What is the current, accepted perspective here?
By all means, whatever gets your jollies off go do it. I'm not yucking anyone's yum, at the same time, while people say "gender identity and sexuality are different things" it seems to me that it sort of invalidates traditional definitions of sexuality if parts are all arbitrary?
Can someone help with some steering? I've got little kids and niblings and I don't want to be the inadvertent asshole.
It's perfectly valid to have preferences on both presented gender and genitalia. Some people only prefer masculine or feminine presentation but are good with whatever hardware; others care less about presentation but have strong preferences on what a partner is packing. Others care about both, others are good with whatever.
Where someone might need to be tactful is if they prefer someone whose genetalia is opposite of that typically possessed by that gender. There's nothing inherently wrong with that preference, but trans folks have been fetishized and objectivized in the past, and anyone with those preferences would need to be particularly sensitive to that.
This a sub question I wasn't sure how to tactfully ask, so thank you for answering it!
No problem! It's a valid question. There are labels for what gender you're attracted to, but they're less clear in the case of trans and intersex folks. And it's better to ask than assume!
That is kind of what I thought too, but I sort of expected to get roasted for asking. Thanks again 🙂
Side note, it seems to me that there's a spectrum of preference: some things that you don't care about, some things you slightly prefer but could be easily swayed on, some things you're pretty certain about and could only be convinced otherwise by a very specific person, and some things that you're probably not going to change your preferences on.
I kind of feel like, in that respect, the word "preference" does us a bit of a disservice. It makes it sound like we're talking about sexuality in the same way we talk about whether we like tea or coffee; and while "sexual preference" does encompass that sense of the word, some of it is significantly more central to how we're likely to interact with the world.