[Answered]:
People who are attracted to trans people are far more likely to only be attracted to our hormonal sex than to only be attracted to our assigned sex at birth.
In general in queer spaces it's understood that sexual orientation respects gender identity, for example I like both cis and trans women, but have no desire for anyone with a testosterone dominant body, and I identify as a lesbian.
Some people aren't into trans people of their preferred gender, just like some people aren't into fat people of their preferred gender. In general the rules of politeness that one would follow for the latter should go for the former.
Thanks @captainlezbian@lemmy.world
Honorable mentions @MagicShel@lemmy.zip and @Barley_Man@sopuli.xyz
Thank you all so far for being considerate and kind.
Posed Question: So the question of gender identity as I understand it is basically a solved question: people identify as they identify, and that seems totally reasonable. Go to the bathroom you want to use, just wash your hands. The argument is tautological, a woman is what she tells you she is.
What does this actually mean though at the intersection of gender identity with sexual preference? I don't know where else to ask this to get better responses so I expect to get raked across the coals.
If a woman is a woman, a person who says "I crave girl dick" is then a straight perspective? I have a hard time agreeing with it on the merits, but that might be a me problem?
What is the current, accepted perspective here?
By all means, whatever gets your jollies off go do it. I'm not yucking anyone's yum, at the same time, while people say "gender identity and sexuality are different things" it seems to me that it sort of invalidates traditional definitions of sexuality if parts are all arbitrary?
Can someone help with some steering? I've got little kids and niblings and I don't want to be the inadvertent asshole.
I think this is asking for clear categorization of what sends clearly to be a spectrum of humanity. I'm married. I won't fuck anyone else. So from your point of view am I gay or straight? Ace? How my spouse identifies is none of your business. What they have in their pants only I and Schrödinger know. Whether we even fuck at all is unknowable to you. Does that make a difference to you?
Suddenly you can't define me without knowing things about other people. So is your definition about me or them? Like, to what end are you trying to put folks in boxes?
I kinda get it. When I was younger these sorts of questions fascinated me as well. But I'm older now and I've been friends with straight folks and gay and trans, watched an old friend transition. I don't care any more. They are doing the thing that makes them happy. I don't need to understand it. I don't even really need to know what it is.
In the same way it doesn't make me a difference, but I'm increasingly worried about miscategorizing people in a way that's unintentionally offensive, or inadvertently giving someone really bad advice.
My observation is that most people just want to be respected and treated like human. Very few people are going to be offended that you don't know what you haven't been told. The ones who are are pretty much assholes if you need a box for them.
I've hung out with a lot of trans folks who were just happy to live as themselves in a space and with people where they weren't under threat or treated like freaks. They wanted to talk about the same nerdy things as anyone else I enjoy hanging out with, they just want to do it as the correct gender.
That said they are people, first. They have good days and bad days. Days where someone said something that primed them to react as if you intend harm or offense to them. Days where they are just fed up with all the cis fuckers.
Just do your best and that has to be enough for everyone.
I'm thinking that gender and sexuality aren't even a simple spectrum, they're a multi-dimensional space. There are some blobby fuzzy-bordered regions of that space that have traditionally been called "Man" and "Woman", but the more we look into it the more complicated it all gets and the more arbitrary that partitioning becomes. We're already starting to see that there may be portions of that space that likely don't belong to either category, or where the categories overlap, so I'm of the opinion that treating them as super important might be a bad idea that's bound to lead to heartbreak and confusion.