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this post was submitted on 02 Sep 2026
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That's not nearly enough whisky for a lake, we need more trucks
Loch Ness is fucking big and holds around 7500000 m3 of water and while no such whiskey barrel truck exists, a large tanker truck can hold around 40m3 of liquid. Let's say it's a super strong whiskey of 60% alcohol content by volume, that leaves us with 24m3 alcohol for the whole lake. That's an alcohol percentage of 0.00032% for the lake. To put that into context, most foods contain a certain amount of alcohol. Beer for example can contain up to 0.5% of alcohol and still be labeled alcohol free. Something like a burger roll might contain over 1% alcohol, an overripe banana might be around 0.5%. So the amount of alcohol in the lake is basically nothing and would be hard to detect even with proper equipment. Therefor the non-existent monster would not have gotten drunk from drinking some of the lake water.
Since we clearly see the monster being drunk af, we must consider another scenario. I would speculate the truck was actually intact when it hit the water. The monster happened to be nearby and heard or felt the impact (does the monster have ears? We do not know). Upon reaching the truck, the monster proceeded to pick it up and drink it shot-gun style. He got so drunk, he forgot to crush the truck on his forehead and just dropped it on the bank.
I further postulate that alcohol isn't a part of the natural environment around the loch and thus the creature has somehow acquired the taste for the drink from humans. A chemical dependency might have formed, leading to severely altered behavior for the creature. It is my hypothesis the creature not only caused the crash of the truck, but has done so more often in the past and will continue to do so in the future.
Further investigation shows the route for the truck makes no sense and went out of its way to drive at that exact road along the loch. The company that owns and operates the truck hasn't altered this inefficient route, even though many such accidents occured. My theory is they allow these incidents to happen because the media attention from these incidents works in favor of the company. Your honor I respectfully submit my statement as evidence of wrong doing on part of the company. They knowingly and willingly allowed the Loch Ness monster to form this alcohol dependency, therefor indirectly causing the accidents and risking the life and well being of my client, the truck driver!
What if the whiskey spilled and it was close by and it was very tasty? Your calculation only takes into consideration it already being completely spread out across the lake. We need calculations for the diffusion rate too.
Thank you, that's what I was thinking, if Nessie was right there under the spill then it could get wasted.
Yes, plesiosaurs have inner ears similar to other aquatic reptiles.
She does have previous form, although she was on holiday in the Hebrides at the time
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SS_Politician
Do we have any idea how alcohol in water affects fish? They aren't just drinking it. They're breathing it, and living in it. I have to imagine a fairly small amount of alcohol in water with fish would dramatically change things. (It'd probably just kill them.)
Still, this amount is nothing. Unless they're right by where this spills, it's so diluted that it doesn't matter.