this post was submitted on 23 Sep 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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With a few simple modifications, this baby will be able to go off some sweet jumps.

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[โ€“] rmuk@feddit.uk 57 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

From the product description:

Too big to be included in your free allowance and self-defeating as a checked bag, this mandatory carry-on item includes an unfamiliar-looking battery (which is either too small to be useful or too big to be safe) that will cause both in-flight staff that are sick of life and TSA agents looking for an excuse, any excuse, alike to giggle with glee. The space demanded by the retractable handles and motor ensure that not only will you need to be selective with your packing but also with your gym workout in preparation for lugging this thing into an overhead bin. In the departures lounge it comes into it's own: instead of having to walk for arduous minutes at a time from security to the gate - often along treacherous perfectly flat carpeted concrete floors, and with mere hours to spare - you can now inexpertly weave your top-heavy assemblage through the delighted thorngs of your fellow travellers who will surely be as obliging as can be of enduring the occasional shin injury or will graciously bow out of your way as soon as their self-preservation instincts sense your approach.

Must be kept bone dry at all times. The homeopathic torque output of the motor makes the product utterly useless on asphalt, gravel, uneven paving slabs, grass and even the gentlest inclines, meaning it becomes an unrelenting burden the moment it leaves the terminal.

...probably

[โ€“] Janx@piefed.social 4 points 2 weeks ago

Did you just come up with that!? It's perfect. (Aside from the "thorngs" typo.) Do you write for a living?