Yo dawg, we heard you like suitcases! So I put on a suitcase on your ride so that when you put your suitcase on the plane it’s actually considered an e-scooter not a suitcase and you get banned from plane, so then you can ride your suitcase more!

Now open up that suitcase, it’s actually a speaker!

From the product description:

Too big to be included in your free allowance and self-defeating as a checked bag, this mandatory carry-on item includes an unfamiliar-looking battery (which is either too small to be useful or too big to be safe) that will cause both in-flight staff that are sick of life and TSA agents looking for an excuse, any excuse, alike to giggle with glee. The space demanded by the retractable handles and motor ensure that not only will you need to be selective with your packing but also with your gym workout in preparation for lugging this thing into an overhead bin. In the departures lounge it comes into it's own: instead of having to walk for arduous minutes at a time from security to the gate - often along treacherous perfectly flat carpeted concrete floors, and with mere hours to spare - you can now inexpertly weave your top-heavy assemblage through the delighted thorngs of your fellow travellers who will surely be as obliging as can be of enduring the occasional shin injury or will graciously bow out of your way as soon as their self-preservation instincts sense your approach.

Must be kept bone dry at all times. The homeopathic torque output of the motor makes the product utterly useless on asphalt, gravel, uneven paving slabs, grass and even the gentlest inclines, meaning it becomes an unrelenting burden the moment it leaves the terminal.

...probably

there goes 40lb of the 50lb weight limit

"The entire empire has sunk into a quagmire of extravagance from which they cannot extricate themselves" — Some random quote from the internet.

You thought pocket sized lithium batteries blowing up was an issue. Wait till one of these babies goes.

YSK: If you have mobility problems, you can call ahead or just ask for assistance and the airline will provide a wheelchair and an escort to/ from the gate.

Edit: this is a free service AFAIK, but handing your escort a five or ten bucks is polite.

Great for jousting on those moving walkways (not absolutely necessary but more speed, more fun) if you find another traveler with one and come up with something to use as a lance. Really helps pass the time on a long layover.

I wouldn't waste valuable suitcase space on a motor and battery even if I thought this could get past TSA and Customs.

I like how the picture has a completely different seat that wouldn't be able to travel with the suitcase. Also an entirely different design overall.

and then those wheels are defeated by even a modest lip in the floor, let alone a small curb, and you have to do The Waddle Of Shame.

i remember going to car shows as a kid, and people had these but ice coolers for drinks and snacks

My money is on the baggage handlers completely destroying everything.

They do exist in the wild.

Here's one that goes for $395 on Amazon.

looking forward to 14 year olds ripping around the airport on those

How come his has a backrest?

Just remember, if you see someone riding one of these in the airport, you can laugh your head off knowing they can only pack 3 pairs of underwear and nothing else.

A small price to pay to become the envy of the airport.

Heaven forbid anyone should ever walk

That's a weird take... it's obviously aimed at fat muricans but can't take the load of a fat murican...