Ask Lemmy
A Fediverse community for open-ended, thought provoking questions
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If being kind isn't your default then it's your job. Do your job, were all counting on you.
I work hard to be kind. but sometimes what I think is kind others interpret as mean. I can't always tell the difference.
Ah, that makes more sense. I have that problem too. I started trying to act like people renowned for their kindness, like Mr. Rogers, for example.
He says positive affirmations (wow, you're really smart), is patient when the other person is talking, gives them room to express their thoughts and feelings, asks them questions about themselves, and, most importantly, acknowledges that their feelings are real and difficult for them. I "practice" that with kids: "The dark must be very scary for you; that scrape must really hurt," usually followed by a hug if appropriate.
You're just agreeing with them about how they feel, and that lets them know that their feelings count, that their feelings matter to another human, and that mattering to other humans is what everyone needs to feel safe.
Also, never give advice until someone asks for it. Never give an answer to questions no one asked. "Smart man knows what the right thing to say is, wise man knows when not to say it"
Kindness is a muscle, and yours (ours) is weak. Exercise it to make it stronger. It will take time and practice. We got this.