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this post was submitted on 07 Oct 2026
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I'll bite the bullet on this one.
Maybe it's not embarrassingly late because it was decades ago and I was a dumb teenager, but wiping your ass while sitting. Every time I took a shit, I'd stand up and then wipe.
Much easier now sitting down since the toilet seat basically keeps your cheeks spread for you.
Now just wish I had the right hookups to install a bidet toilet. That would be a real game changer.
You don’t need special hookups for an unheated bidet. $25 online and 30 minutes of screwing and unscrewing stuff. Very simple
Our kids defaulted to this when they were first learning, because they were excited to see and then remembered they needed to wipe too. Teaching them to wipe before standing took some extra time, I wonder if that got skipped for you? Or your parents, who passed that on?
Half of people wipe from the front while sitting. The other half stand up and wipe from behind. Most people in either group never find out that the other half exists.
I wanted to share a relevant QI clip for this (it was brought up by a guest, not the host) but couldn't find it.
I wipe from the back while sitting. Am I a monster?
If you have balls, just make sure you keep them clean.
If you have a vagina, that is how you get a UTI and the practice should best be avoided entirely.
If I had a vag, I would be wiping from the front toward the back. But I have balls, so not a concern anyway. Take paper -> reach behind me (rocking forward a little as necessary) -> wipe from balls towards spine. Presto, ass is wiped without standing up or dirtying the proverbial vagina.
That would work for women too. Important is the direction towards the spine, not towards the genitalia.
If you have water going to your toilet you should be able to install a bidet seat. Easy peasy.
with ice cold water?
Toughen up, sunshine!
No but seriously it’s fine for most people except deep in winter, and you can get a heated add-on bidet if there’s power nearby.
I don't normally put ice in it. Just regular tap water. It's refreshing.
I'm not sure how refreshed I want my asshole to be...
You think that now. I used to make butt spray and put it in little spray foam dispensers in the bathroom. You could spray it on toilet paper to make a flushable wipe. It normally has a little lavender castille soap in it but once i accidentally bought the ginger soap and my husband complained that it was too spicy.
Oh Christ WASH YOUR DAMN ASS you baboon. Get over it.
First off, there's thing called humor. Perhaps you haven't heard of it, perhaps you don't see it here. There's also this thing called context. Earlier comments were talking about cold water. "Cold" varies from region to region. In my area it comes out at about 4° C. I have no problem washing my ass and am not a baboon. Nor am I inclined toward name-calling. I just prefer to use something closer to skin temperature than it is to ice.
Surprisingly yeah it's comfortable even in the dead of winter. I think it just doesn't cover a large enough area to make you feel cold
My working theory is that the body just doesn't sense temperature in the butthole very well, because why would it?
Why would it sense spicy? To remind you of the choices you made earlier?
It senses spicy, because spicy isn't actually a form of taste, but rather just your pain sensors being triggered by a chemical, like for example capsaicin (chilis) or piperine (black pepper).
Wikipedia says for capsaicin:
So, I guess, the butthole would in a sense be good at feeling temperature, but only for excessive/painful heat.
But also, people generally report that this problem largely goes away when they start using a bidet.
So far, the explanation that makes the most sense to me, is that you get micro-scratches from the toilet paper, and then the capsaicin etc. will really be able to irritate the broken skin.
You can get travel bidets for like 20 bucks or so, which are pretty much just a squeeze bottle with a nozzle. I wash mine and fill it back up when I go to wash my hands, so it's always ready.
I've never used a 'proper' bidet, but don't feel like I'm missing out in terms of cleanliness. Still feels pretty much like freshly showered, and certainly magnitudes cleaner than when using just toilet paper.
I got one that is just a little nozzle that fits into a used soda bottle or water bottle.
https://culoclean.com/
You should be able to just slap a t-valve on the existing water line. The bidet I’ve got came with all that.
I considered that, but the water that comes out of our well is ice cold. Not the most pleasant of sensations to grace your sensitive bits.
I'd ideally like to get one of the electronic ones that can regulate temperature and has a few different modes. But I don't currently have an electrical outlet anywhere close to the toilets, and rewiring the bathroom isn't high on the budget priority at the moment.
Honestly the cold water is not an issue. I was concerned about it when we installed ours but even the first time I used it I was like, “Oh that’s fine what was I worried about.”
I’m obviously not the butthole police but in my opinion/experience cold water should not be a deal breaker.
I got one of the electric ones for my main bathroom, and I also did not have a plug anywhere nearby, but there was a light switch nearby, and I found a replacement switch that turns a light switch into a light switch and plug outlet that also had GFCI included in it.
Heated bidets do not draw a whole lot of power, so I didn't have to worry about overloading the circuit or anything.
I “upgraded” to a heated bidet and now never use the heated water. It’s way too hot 😂
I was concerned about that too, but I finally went ahead and got one, and it's really not bad. With how briefly the water is in contact, it just hasn't been an issue. We have fridge temp cold water from our tap as well.
We got a Rinseworks 360 hand bidet, and after trying it for a while I got another one. Definitely reccomend it.