Asklemmy

You mean beside the 20ish voices inside my ADHD brain? Thanks, but we're good. What would even be the point? I know why I am how I am, I've had nothing but time alone to dissected my traumas. Talking won't change the past.

And laying out all my current issues, I've come to the realization that most of them could either be solved by hard work or money. Money that I don't have, and work that I am not willing to do.
What use would the work even be? Invest another decade of my life for self-improvement to catch up to where everybody else was when we were teenagers?

When it comes to depression people have a fundamental misunderstanding of the condition. They are under the false impression that we want to get better.

We do not.

What we want is to not have been bad in the first place. To get back the time lost to the disorder. Since none of that is possible we act like we don't even want to get better at all. We don't want an inch of happiness, we want the whole mile. If you feel depressed and don't see yourself as an asshole, then whatever you have is not depression. There might still be a thread that you can twist into a rope to pull yourself out. I would just use the rope to hang myself with.

Depression is a chronic and terminal parasitic illness, not just an imbalance of brain chemistry and trauma. The best you can do is to quietly live in misery, and keep up enough appearances so that others don't have to worry about you. Contrary to cancer you can't break even with it, you don't take depression with you when you die, it spreads to the people who were close to you.