Asklemmy

#1
"Hacked" into my "mysteriously completely disappeared except for some occasional calls that nothing was going on and things were alright" girlfriend's facebook account, but only was able to stay there for one minute.
She logged in at that very next second and in that one minute I found out that she was cheating, pregnant and planning to marry that guy behind my back.

#2
Dreamt (1998) that I was in the future (2010), and my street had be turned into a giant bike path and at the end of it there would be a tunnel at the end of my street.
15 years later I was jogging near my old neighborhood and needed to cross a busy road opposite at the end of my street, so in jest I told myself that the tunnel should be finished by now and guessed where the other end would be. Then I jogged through it and marveled at the street I grew up on had indeed turned into a giant bike path.

#3
Wondered how to pick up girls, found a PUA site.
First chapter: How to most easily start an interesting conversation with just one simple question.
Last chapter: How to have a threesome with two girls who are best friends in five easy steps
Step 1. Be sure to bring a can of whip cream!
Step 2. Here's how to convince both of them to play a game of strip poker with you...
Me: "LOL, yeah as if and why whip cream!? This site is a joke, although that first chapter seems fun to try out."
One minute later, running into the first random girl I see:
Me: "So what's your story?"
Random college girl: "Well... I could tell you but you won't believe it."
Me: "I just read something so ridiculous on the internet, I believe anything now."
Random college girl: "You won't believe it."
Me: "Trust me, I will believe it."
Random college girl: "So me and my best friend and my boyfriend were playing strip poker and for whatever reason, he brought a can of whip cream..."