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Incredibly disgusting and cheap behavior if not with genuine intentions over longer term, when that is literally what they said out loud. I was sad and now I'm more so angry. What if all these single guys around my age (I would say I'm older than the age of settling down as expected by society) are just in it for casual? Or the ones that are genuine, I don't find attractive for xyz reason? That is terrifying.
As a guy, we can be real jerks.
My guess is that he probably wants more short term casual relationships but also knows that most women want long term (and those who want short term have no end of possible suppliers.) So, if he wants to sleep around, he probably has to claim he that ultimately he is looking for a long term relationship. (Would you have gone on a date if his profile just said casual?)
I'm also striding through middle age and sorry to say, in a lot of senses, dating doesn't get easier. Honestly, I think a lot of people have coupled up and a higher proportion who haven't, haven't for a reason.
There's also an interesting phenomenon I've seen in early middle age where guys who seem dependable etc couple up with women who would seem "out of their league" as priorities shift to starting a family etc. Of course, the flip side is this also removes a lot of the nice but kind of unremarkable guys from the dating pool.
All that being said, I'd say there is still hope! The big advantage of dating later on in life is that you know who you are, what you want and hopefully, you're not afraid to ask/demand it! Meeting people in person, whether community groups, sports, hobbies, volunteering or anything else is tricky but deeply rewarding. The other folks around our age who also don't have families and kids are often pretty friendly and happy to make new friends as our old friends get busier with their new families etc.
Good luck out there!
Sorry I missed your comment earlier! Thank you so much for sharing. It’s reassuring to hear and I’ll try to keep working at it.
One thing that’s hard for me is demanding what I want or declining what I don’t feel comfortable with, even when I know it’s what will maintain my boundaries. It’s hard to be assertive when you have hope, even a glimmer of it. But I’ll remind myself to separate the two and trust that the right person won’t bail if you say no to something and speak up for yourself. I admire people who can be assertive without feeling guilty or worrying what the other person thinks.