appledinosaurcat

We met on a dating app, have had two great dates so far, and I've been unplugging while traveling on and off. While I am really glad he is making plans for a 3rd date (I first alluded to it when I texted him after my trip), I'm totally confused and wondering if I should ask why he potentially unmatched me on the app and the mixed signals. Are there red flags? Yellow flags? Or is he just trying to play hard to get a little and it's fair because I've been unplugging intentionally during my time off? For full context, please see my previous post. Any insight and advice is appreciated because I am even more flummoxed now than before. Thanks!

We met on the dating app, and our 1st two dates were amazing. He even said he's impressed by how naturally we clicked and conversation flows. I felt this magnetic pull and wondered if it might be what I hear about when it comes to the real thing. It felt different, and I was so excited for our potential future together. I'm very attracted and couldn't stop thinking about him. I felt seen and heard.

For context, I've had a rigorous career-focused few years, and vacations were overdue. I really needed to take more time to myself for my overall well-being and health before my next role starts, so I recently booked two trips: a long one with family and then a short solo one with two weeks at home in between. During those weeks, I met up with this guy in person after we messaged back and forth for about a week leading up to my long trip a couple months ago.

Our chemistry and banter is great, and I thought we had a strong connection, but I feel like I'm being faulted for things I didn't technically do wrong and it seems to be a pattern. He followed up prematurely during my long trip after I made sure to give a heads-up that I would be unplugging (I replied as soon as I could and didn't apologize for the delay or think of him as crossing my boundary at the time, just glad he followed up and showed interest). Then he arrived 15 minutes early to our 2nd date and I was apologetic saying I may arrive 5 minutes after the reservation time due to traffic after an important professional meeting but I'll be there ASAP; I ultimately arrived right on time but he later half-jokingly said that I arrived late, to which I half-jokingly said I was on time per the original plan. He also complained about parts of the venue (I initiated/planned this date). He did hold my hand and kiss me but it was all tongue which threw me off (I thought maybe that's just him wanting to be warm so I didn't flag it right away). I was relieved he didn't try to be physical on our first date as I'm tired of guys trying to get me to be casual with them. We briefly mentioned our intentions, and he said he wouldn't continue with someone if he didn't see the long-term potential.

Our date wrapped up with me saying I was going to unplug during my upcoming solo trip but I would text him as soon as I was back and he said "we can plan something". That same night, he did initiate the goodnight text and liked my first text but ignored the second one saying enjoy the event he asked me to attend with him but I said early on I may be traveling during that time which turned out to be true. I tried not to read into it because it's still early in our interactions and maybe he went with another girl or felt a bit bruised that I couldn't drop everything - even though it's just that I meant what I said.

As promised, I warmly texted him as soon as I could after my trip before realizing he had unmatched me. I was shocked to see that. My phone got water damage while traveling but I highly doubt that erased only him from my app. I'm also unsure if I possibly missed a text from him in the few days between losing my phone and getting a new one, but most likely not. Either way, his tone is colder now and he said we "could possibly" plan something once he's done packing for his upcoming move, but it doesn't sound reassuring and he literally said "will do" aka it fizzles out and he's hoping we don't need to have the clarification talk.

Please help me out, friends! I would really appreciate any help or advice. What exactly made him change his mind? What should I do or say to him? Did I do anything wrong? I don't want to be made to feel guilty/ashamed of the time I needed to take off, and I thought it was the right thing to start the conversations earlier versus wait. Should I ask for a call if he doesn't follow up for a 3rd date? Should I keep trying with him even if I have to "chase" a bit since my schedule has been a bit unpredictable and abnormal?

We met on a dating app, and he is my type on paper: ethnic/cultural background, education level, sweet and easy to talk to. But I've always been on the fence about him and am still confused after a few dates and progressing physically a bit (not casually hooking up). He was understanding of my preference for our first date, and we went somewhere different than where he initially suggested, for reasons I had at the time. We both opened up to each other about past romantic setbacks, random stories, and hobbies over a call that easily lasted a few hours after our first date. We bonded over shared intellect and similar likes/interests, and I think we both feel trust, talking without filter. I recently needed to be away for a few weeks which he took well. Chemistry is great and feels natural.

But sweet as he is, he is also unintentionally chaotic and complex in some ways. For example, he's mentioned many girls who have left or ghosted him repeatedly, and explicit past sexual experiences that I can't even bring myself to type out as it involves unpleasant substances and gives the ick. He's never had a relationship longer than a couple of months, and we're at the age where I'm not sure I can teach almost everything when it comes to relationships. For the vast majority, we have split the bill since he says it adds up fast when dating multiple people and he wants to be sure before investing further financially. Sometimes when I'm telling a story or trying to share about myself, which is very difficult after dating a narcissist, he seems bored or distracted - I try to be compassionate and chalk it up to ADHD but I'm worried about making the same mistake as my ex who made me feel so small and not enough. His lifestyle is quite extreme, with consistent events in a party scene with occasional use of hard narcotics, and he mentioned substance abuse of marijuana although he says it's improved now. I will say I also enjoy the energy at some of these events and we bonded over that part, but I feel that he engages in it too often to feel secure if we were to pursue a LTR (that said, he previously had no free time so he's trying to make the most of it now). He shut down a bit when I asked about his parents; he's close to his sibling and has a number of friends though.

I really don't know how to feel, and I am so confused! Part of me feels drawn to him and I have flashbacks to the good moments (as he does too), however I always have this concern that I would be barking up the wrong tree and can't get this time back and we're not getting any younger. I just really want to make the right decision. If you can offer any advice, wisdom, or share about your experiences I would truly appreciate it!

I matched with a guy on a dating app, and we seemed to get along well from the chemistry and conversation down to humor. The first date was great and unlike others I've had, although I noticed he was very straightforward physically, kissing me several times. I've had to deal with guys with wrong intentions in the past so I was cautious and told him on our next date that I prefer to move more slowly after he was trying to cuddle a lot, smelling my hair, and kissing my neck - even though he stated that he is looking for a long-term relationship after getting to know people and seeing who is most compatible. He was strangely quiet and didn't say much once I communicated that. Then he pulled back and seemed less interested when I asked if he was free to meet again, ghosted me for a few days, and then finally sent a transactional text saying he didn't see long-term romantic potential and didn't want to string me along. I felt so sad and confused at the sudden shift, and asked if we can have a call just to talk for a bit but he completely ghosted me again and removed his entire dating focus description (it was "Long-term relationship" at the time of our dates, previously "Long-term, open to short-term", and was not publicly shared at all before that)

Should I follow up? There are some topics I thought may be good to clarify and address through a text message in case those were what turned him away or are areas he thought I could've done better. For example, he was patient with my response speed in our early conversations while I was especially busy and intermittent on the app. Also without being too specific, there was something he may have felt I should've done during our first date, but I saw it differently (relating to traditional chivalry), and maybe he feels like I should apologize for that. I really have no idea and feel like I didn't get closure, but I also feel betrayed that he didn't even think that I deserve one call. Is this a lost cause? What exactly happened, and was he ever intentional (he also had a few situationships recently)?

Any advice, help, or even just empathy would be appreciated!

Hi, please be kind with me. I'm feeling really vulnerable and conflicted about this. I would really appreciate any help or comfort.

I had a bit too much to drink and had unprotected sex with a guy who was sober and came on my back, but it also got on the bed. I was too out of it to remember the exact timing but he said there's no need to take plan B. I'm not on any birth control.

I've taken plan B twice before and read stories of how awful it is. I did feel very depressed and overwhelmed in the weeks after taking it, but that could also be explained by stressors that I was dealing with at the time. I'm worried about the side effects, especially considering this would be my third time taking it.

Should I take plan B? Can anyone who has taken it multiple times please share about the side effects and their experiences with it? Is the pull-out method less risky than I'm thinking it is, or is this not worth the gamble even if I didn't need Plan B? A pregnancy would be a huge disruption, and I don't even want to imagine it.

I'm also just feeling so lost, disoriented, and sad. I don't do well with casual intimacy, yet I find myself getting into these situations. What should I be doing differently? Is it just a matter of drinking less or is there something more underlying that I need to process? I've noticed an increase in unprotected sex recently which makes me feel even worse about it all.