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Just ask them questions about the things they like.
Say they like football. "What's the best game you ever saw?" "What player would you have liked to meet?"
Cooking. "What's worth spending money on?" "What kind of knives do you like."
If you listen 90% of the time you'll get a reputation as a great conversationalist.
yeah but people liking you doesn't mean you will like them.
being good at socializing isn't the same as having socialization you find worthwhile or fulfilling.
Unbelievable as it sounds, it is possible to learn to like all sorts of people.
Even more incredible, it's possible to learn things from all different sorts of folks and enjoy their company.
Most astonishing of all? For thousands and thousands of years, human beings used simply socialization as their primary form of entertainment and enlightenment.
I
Depends on your standards. I don't share your 'everyone is unique and wonderful' idealization of people. IME very few people are unique or wonderful, most people are boring and base. For every person I meet who is interesting there are about 50 whose life consists of watching TV and bitching about their wife/husband/kids, who get deeply offended at you if you do other things with your time than either of those two things.
Like I said to the other commenter, if most of your interactions with other people are unsatisfactory you should consider what the common factor in all those conversations.
Yeah, it's me. I'm not interested in the shit they are interested in, and I don't empathize with their self-inflected misery that makes up the bulk of their conversational topics.
I'd rather stay home and read a book than listen to someone whine about how their dad is mean to them for not buying them a Porsche, and be told I'm an asshole because I don't agree that their dad is an asshole and I think they don't need a Porsche. Plenty of other people though, are happy to have that conversation with them and agree with them their dad is an abusive jerk for not buying them that Porsche. Maybe you are one of those people? maybe you also feel equally aggrieved at your parents or life in general because you don't have a Porsche? I can't relate to that, and frankly I think people who feel angry their dad for not buying them a Porsche are shitty people
So literally everyone you know has a dad that can buy them a Porsche?
It all makes sense now.
Not literally, but metaphorically, yes. People where I live think a 150K salary is poverty and that you can't possibly have a decent life if you don't own a Porsche and have three homes. and they talk about it all the time, you can't sit in restaurant or anywhere without people talking about how their life is awful and depressing because they only have 200K in their checking account and they can't possible feel safe and secure unless it's 2 million. And they love to talk about how their parents are horrible to them for not giving them six to seven figure sums in gifts.
Honest advice: meet some non-wannabe-rich people.
Many people are interesting, smart, funny and empathetic. Many other people also suck. The trick is to filter. There is a reason you have a door in front of your place.
If you consistently run into the people that suck, try meeting other people. People based on a different filter.
All kinds of things can be a filter. A sports club, a neighbourhood, a job, a political party, a bar... Pick one that you feel comfortable with and that has a higher chance of meeting the good people.
I would leave and find people I liked to be around. Could you do that?
There's people I socialise with that fulfil my needs for socialisation. There's a few of those.
Then there's people that I can socialise with just fine, make sure they have a nice time, but it doesn't fulfil my needs whatsoever. There's loads of those.
I'm glad this stuff works for you, but you don't speak for everyone's social wiring.
If someone told me they didn't have a medical condition, but they found it a strain to walk around the block, I'd tell them to try to spend a lot more time walking.
That's certainly one way to brush aside any nuance to how social situations work.
"Then there’s people that I can socialise with just fine, make sure they have a nice time, but it doesn’t fulfil my needs whatsoever. There’s loads of those."
If you find socializing with many people a strain, remember that you're the one common factor in all those interactions.
I'm impressed, you've managed to insult me whilst also insisting that only your opinion is correct.
I'm humbled by your uncanny social skills. Teach me, sensei.
If quoting you accurately is an insult, so be it.
Keep digging, mate.
Why? You seem to think I'm insulting you. Is there any point in going on, except that you like being insulted?
Ultimately, the point is that I find your dismissal of my experiences both massively condescending and the way you choose to do it hugely insulting. Particularly when doing so actively undermines your premise.
We could have had a nice chat about how different people experience different social situations, how forming connections can be one sided, and related interesting things.
But no, I'm apparently shit at socialising because I'm different from you. If I was better at it, everyone and their gran would invigorate me socially, I just need to try harder, because everyone works like that and nuance doesn't fucking exist.
Fire up those magical social skills of yours as you're making a pig's ear of this interaction.
"Fire up those magical social skills of yours as you’re making a pig’s ear of this interaction."
You call me sensei, so here's your first lesson.
Read over all of what you've actually written, then imagine our positions were reversed.
Do you think you've come across as willing to have an intelligent conversation?
If so, what sentence or phrase do you consider the warmest and most welcoming of an actual exchange?
edit - added 'all of'
I think my initial comment would have been easy to engage with in good faith rather than the route you took.
After that you could easily have gone with something like "Looks like we got off on the wrong foot, I wasn't trying to dismiss people's experiences..." and attempted a mood reset rather than doubling down.
Look at this, you've got me doing your thing for you, almost like I already do what you suggested as a matter of course.
I could keep this going, ask some rhetorical questions, make some snide remarks, but honestly, this is boring. I wanted to delve into the differences in our outlooks on social experiences, not deal with whatever this is.
Your own comment makes the perfect end to this little interlude.
Can't even not be an arse when shown how. Jog the fuck on.