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How would you compare setting up your own Matrix server vs an XMPP server?
I was going to recommend XMPP to OP, and I don't have any experience with setting up Matrix.
AFAIK, xmpp is easier to maintain and requires less resources.
I have no skin in either game, so I couldn't give you an honest answer here. I only suggested matrix because I believe it would fit the scenario
Bummer.
Oh well