Ask Lemmy

Short answer, yes, it can be learned and taught, but the person has to be willing to put in even a bare minimum of effort. If your friend isn't willing to even consider the possibility of trying something new, they are stuck, unless something changes.

They are angry at how their life ended up, but can't see how or why they got there, as it relates to their own actions. It's all someone and something else's fault.

This sounds like a form of blame-shifting, which is a super toxic trait. Here's a list I found for you in a web search of some of the possible reasons someone does this:

Low Self-Esteem – Those with a fragile self-image may deflect blame to protect their sense of self-worth.
Fear of Failure – Admitting mistakes can feel overwhelming, leading some to shift responsibility elsewhere.
Lack of Accountability – Some individuals were never taught to take responsibility, often due to permissive parenting or a lack of consequences.
Narcissistic Tendencies – Those with narcissistic traits may believe they’re incapable of being at fault.
Learned Behavior – If blame shifting was modeled during childhood, it can become a default coping mechanism.
Avoidance of Shame – For some, experiencing shame feels unbearable, so they will do anything to avoid it.
Control Issues – Blame shifting can be a way to manipulate situations and maintain control.
Cognitive Dissonance – It can be easier to blame others than to confront inconsistencies between one’s actions and self-image.

All this is to say - there is no one-size-fits-all answer here.

One common option others have already recommended is mindfulness meditation. Practicing focusing your attention on something, then when your mind wanders, notice that and bring your attention back to what you were originally focusing on. Keep doing that for 10 minutes per day (ideally) or even once per week for weeks, months, years.

This and other mindfulness exercises can help someone learn to recognize to accept the world around them as it is, view themselves and others with non-judgment, and practice gratitude and forgiveness.

I'd be interested to hear if you offered to do this with your friend whether he'd be willing to try.