Ask Lemmy

I agree with the others who say to get in the mode of making new friends through hobbies and other activities. Not every friend you meet will be dateable (a woman you find attractive who is available and attracted to you too), but the act of being social and making new connections does a few things specific to dating:

• It helps you build your social skills for when you are talking directly to potential dates
• It gives you new leads on friends of friends who may be interested in dating
• It gives you a solid social circle, which makes you more attractive

Plus, like, the actual benefits of friendships with other people, and having people to pursue your hobbies with, will just be great to have even without dating.

Some concrete examples of how I've made friends (I've moved cities a lot so I had to do this like 7 or 8 times in my adult life):

• Pickup basketball at a gym where this happens on a regular basis (even if not formally scheduled). Not a lot of women, but a handful of women might participate. But I've made lifelong friends this way, and have met some friends of friends through this.
• Other social gym settings: scheduled classes with opportunities to work with or talk to others. I've made friends in CrossFit style gyms, and my wife has made friends through yoga and spin. Now I'm a regular at a serious lifting gym (and I drop into powerlifting gyms in other cities while I'm traveling), and there's often enough rest between sets to just talk to people and get to know others.
• Being a regular somewhere, including places that don't cost money, like parks and libraries. I've made a ton of friends at dog parks, and have dated a few women I've met at dog parks. When you see the same people a few times a week, that familiarity gives you an opportunity to build up a real connection over time.
• In a similar vein, recurring volunteer opportunities. In one city I lived in, I was a regular volunteer at a kitchen for feeding the homeless and elderly, and would strike up conversations with people while chopping vegetables or whatever. I got to know some, and ended up exchanging phone numbers at some point. I'm now on the board of a nonprofit and occasionally hang out with some of the other board members.
• Socializing with neighbors. I take regular walks so I see a lot of the same neighbors around. Sometimes we strike up conversations, and sometimes we invite each other to events we host in our homes.
• Work and career events. I did happy hours with coworkers, entered recreational sports leagues, participated in the occasional professional development type organization, and have made friends that way.

I'm still a social guy. I'm happily married, but I still make new friends through many of these avenues, plus through my kids and socializing with other parents at their activities. You do it enough and you learn what type of people you vibe with, and who you enjoy being around. With that baseline/foundation, it's much easier to engage with potentially available women, too.