Ask Lemmy

You don't

Get a HoBbY! JoIn A ClUb! Put yOuRsElF oUtThErE!!

Based on the way you've worded this, I'd say the best advice is don't try to talk to women, just talk to people. Find people who share a common interest with you, and just hang out with them doing what you enjoy. Just live your life, and the talking to women part will happen naturally at some point.

They like cheese. Bring cheese.

Stop trying to put yourself "around more Women" and make yourself a person Women want to be around instead.

The best thing you can do is get a hobby, get involved in that hobbies local community, and meet people with similar interests. Romantic interests will eventually follow.

i dont like being in large groups of people or going out so so usually dating advice sounds to me like "stop being you"

I agree with the others who say to get in the mode of making new friends through hobbies and other activities. Not every friend you meet will be dateable (a woman you find attractive who is available and attracted to you too), but the act of being social and making new connections does a few things specific to dating:

• It helps you build your social skills for when you are talking directly to potential dates
• It gives you new leads on friends of friends who may be interested in dating
• It gives you a solid social circle, which makes you more attractive

Plus, like, the actual benefits of friendships with other people, and having people to pursue your hobbies with, will just be great to have even without dating.

Some concrete examples of how I've made friends (I've moved cities a lot so I had to do this like 7 or 8 times in my adult life):

• Pickup basketball at a gym where this happens on a regular basis (even if not formally scheduled). Not a lot of women, but a handful of women might participate. But I've made lifelong friends this way, and have met some friends of friends through this.
• Other social gym settings: scheduled classes with opportunities to work with or talk to others. I've made friends in CrossFit style gyms, and my wife has made friends through yoga and spin. Now I'm a regular at a serious lifting gym (and I drop into powerlifting gyms in other cities while I'm traveling), and there's often enough rest between sets to just talk to people and get to know others.
• Being a regular somewhere, including places that don't cost money, like parks and libraries. I've made a ton of friends at dog parks, and have dated a few women I've met at dog parks. When you see the same people a few times a week, that familiarity gives you an opportunity to build up a real connection over time.
• In a similar vein, recurring volunteer opportunities. In one city I lived in, I was a regular volunteer at a kitchen for feeding the homeless and elderly, and would strike up conversations with people while chopping vegetables or whatever. I got to know some, and ended up exchanging phone numbers at some point. I'm now on the board of a nonprofit and occasionally hang out with some of the other board members.
• Socializing with neighbors. I take regular walks so I see a lot of the same neighbors around. Sometimes we strike up conversations, and sometimes we invite each other to events we host in our homes.
• Work and career events. I did happy hours with coworkers, entered recreational sports leagues, participated in the occasional professional development type organization, and have made friends that way.

I'm still a social guy. I'm happily married, but I still make new friends through many of these avenues, plus through my kids and socializing with other parents at their activities. You do it enough and you learn what type of people you vibe with, and who you enjoy being around. With that baseline/foundation, it's much easier to engage with potentially available women, too.

I can’t tell you how many people have found their spouse by singing in a local chorus (including me). If you can carry a tune and have a basic level of sight reading, find a volunteer choir. They always need more dudes and are always full of brilliant, talented women, many of them single.

Yoga class

Besides bars and clubs, how does a guy put himself around more women?

Hobbies should be a good starting point. With a caveat.

I'm into sketching/watercolors and I can tell you I constantly meet people (women and men) that are into the same hobby.

We can meet by accident at the art store, or at gatherings, expo (or class), or by just being on the same spot at the same time painting the same thing (I live in Paris, we have many nice spots for painters). More often than not, these women are quite happy to spend some time sharing a genuine common interest without constantly having to worry about anything happening.

Because, as far as I'm concerned, and that's the caveat I mentioned, I don't expect anything else to happen when I meet someone who is into the some hobby as I am. I don't do that to meet women (or men). I do that because I enjoy sketching and watercolors (like I enjoy playing chess) and I don't give a fuck about women being there or not. But I'm also always happy to meet someone interesting. I don't know if this makes sense? It kinda makes sense to me ;)

And btw, through that common hobby, I meet women (and men) from all age and from all conditions. Not just 50+ old farts (like I'm) but also quite many that are barely in their 20s, or even less. And barely any of them were drunk... so far :p

edit: typos

Doing the shit you already like to do. Do you bike, hike, run, or ski/snowboard? I meet people all the time doing that stuff and I already have a wonderful partner.

If you're a drinker, meeting people at the bar is probably the best bet but anything you like to do, just go do it. Women are probably there.

dances, church, political protests, arts festivals, running clubs, amateur theatre, gallery openings

Are you doing all the important shit like bathing and working on yourself? I feel this gets overlooked a lot.

Meeting through friends and social groups like sports, clubs, church, whatever, is much better than cold approaches, IMO. I can see a dude display they have social skills and we both have something more than "he/she is pretty" to go on.

Don't have friends and hobbies? Tackle that before worrying about dating. Romantic relationships are like friendships but on expert mode.

Counter-question, how can I make it clear I DO NOT want to be cold-approached by ANYONE while at the beach? Headphones, sunglasses, and my face in a book has not worked.

I always hung out with people who had parties that included men and women, and sometimes people would introduce people who they thought might be compatible. It didn't usually work out, but sometimes those people with introduce others and so on. Just hanging out without any kind of interest in dating is great because more people get to know you and you get experience being around women and not making it about dating.

I once was introduced to someone who didn't really match, but she then introduced me to one of her friends and that worked out pretty well. My wife was introduced to me by a friend who dated her for a week in high school and they were still friends.

Knowing someone who knows someone is a great shortcut to opportunities for meeting new people.

Take up a dancing class or cooking. Go to a language meetup or yoga etc.

Live to be 80 and retire to an assisted living apartment. The slight differences in life expectancy really show up at the back end. My grandpa spent a year as the only man on his floor and got all the geriatric pussy he could handle. Plus, since he was nearly blind from macular degeneration, he imagined them all as beautiful.

Take care of your health, and good luck with the ladies!

one time ive seen a guy out in public printing out poems and only giving it to women, which is a little creepy, i called him the poem creep. pre pandemic on a cold windy sidewalk.

Go to a hobby lobby or a michaels

Have you considered volunteering somewhere? Gives you something to do while around other people.

Use Meetup to find people who share interests, and go to secondary meetups with people you get to know in those circles. It's not a fast process, but you get to know some cool dudes

Become a doctor in the maternity ward

/j

There's always local bands playing at places all over so if you like bars try that. Usually the bands suck. But its fun anyway.

Meet people doing the things you like to do - at a minimum these people like something you like.

Rock climber?

Slam poetry?

Break dance?

Etc.

I recently went to a dog show, there are a lot more women than men in that hobby.

The rest of my hobbies are mostly male dominated.

Partnered dance class.

You gain an attractive skill. You get regular exercise, if you practice outside of class, practice outside of class. Pick the correct dance class and you meet people with similar tastes to you. At all the dance classes I attended there was a shortage of leads, don't be weird¹ and you'll be in demand. Exercise, music and dancing is a formula for happy people, the people you meet are already in a good mood.

Just don't be weird¹, practice to get the rhythm in your body without thinking. In the "free dance" time at the end, get around the room ask anyone alone looking at the floor for a dance. Dance, talk (don't be weird)¹, say thank you, onto the next one. Eventually you'll make friends.

¹Be wierd later, or be just under your partner's level of weird. Focus on being a good partner, part of that is having people be comfortable around you.

do woman activities like sewing, nursing, book clubs, etc.