One bleak and rainy morning I was testing my time travel hypothesis. I'd been attempting to cryogenically freeze myself in the frozen chips section of my local Lidl. Unfortunately the science hating Philistines that worked there kept pulling me out. Ultimately they settled to toss me from the shop entirely.

While I was sitting on carpark tarmac, a strange man approached me. His pale skin told me he got his vitamin D from a bottle and his eyes were heavy with the weight of countless sleepless nights, a fellow delver into the mysteries of this world. Wordlessly, he handed me an envelope before fleeing with an alarming turn of speed.

Inside the envelope was the thumbnail image of this post and two words, "solve this". Challenge accepted!

So what we're looking at is apparently called a Fresno Nightcrawler, and to me it looks like someone's trousers have gone walkabout on their own.

Clearly this can't be the case, trousers lack any kind of muscle to do this. Some outside force must be conveying them. Something the camera can't see.

So I packed all my jeans, and took a hot air balloon over to the sight of the alleged sighting - Fresno, California, USA.

It was there that I set into motion my scheme to capture footage of the creature. Not with the camera, but with pen and paper. I'm no artist myself, so I sought the talents of a particularly gifted one to sketch what he saw as he hid in a bush.

And so the night came. My trousers were hung up. Dave the artist crouched in the undergrowth. I left to get snacks and when I returned both Dave and my trousers were gone, but his notepad remained and what it depicted shocked me.

It was vampires all along.

Not just that, but they'd stolen my favourite shorts. Also probably killed Dave.

I am writing this now as I prepare to locate their lair and end their cruel theft once and for all.

My friends, be careful what you spy within the dead of night, it may also spy you.