miley cyrus launches joint task force to track down the real identity of hannah montana
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And that’s basically it!
Source: Kegseth accidentally texted me about the change
If you weren't doing so much stupid, illegal shit, then you wouldn't have to worry about leaks.
The call is coming from inside the house.

Final report recommendation: Keep your phone at home when your blitzed, Kegsbreath...
Is he going to surrender to them too?
Isn’t he the leak?!?
"We'll stop at nothing to find him" the man says, standing in front of his own wanted poster.

"We're all trying to find the guy who did this." 🌭

God damnit this sketch gets posted so many times these days. And it fits every time.
I love this sketchy. It is comedy gold
A lot of jokes itt, but this is more fascism.
Making fun of fascists can often be just as satisfying as punching them. Both is best, of course...but one or the other will also do.
“We’re gonna be so good on OpSec from now on.”
Spoiler: it’s him
It's the whisky
The leak is coming from inside the building.
He's... He's in the room.
My God, who is this sonofabitch?!
"The leaks are coming from inside the SecDef's office!"
Hotdog.gif
Do I look like I know what a jay-peg is?
Most transparent administration in US history, folks. /s
This is what happens when you and everyone around you is incompetent.
Isn't this like the first step in the establishment of fascism
Have your general squash or dissenters in the ranks.
Pretty much
anti-whistleblower, anti-snitching task force.
Shtrike forsh!
Paying someone to hold his phone when he's been drinking, so it's a full-time position.
The more you tighten your grip, Tarkin, the more star systems will slip through your fingers.
If it's anything like other Hegseth strike forces, he will pay those informants handsomely, do nothing to them, and learn nothing.
Meanwhile pausing CMMC. Again.
Eh, CMMC is a mess, it needs paused so the government can figure their shit out
This is a bit like when I pretend I didn’t fart and it’s just me in the elevator alone.
Joint Strike force is Joint because he needs supervision
Oh, good. That means the endeavor is as good as lost. If they WERE making any progress, it's done now.
His office then proceeded to send out an urgent memo with the title written in all caps comic sans "TAKE US SERIOUSLY, IT IS MADATORY"