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They're not the best, but there isn't a reason not to try if it interests you. A good friend of mine in his mid-40s was divorced from his wife and went on Bumble about a year and a half ago. He went on a handful of dates and only a couple months in met his new girlfriend. They've been together a year now, they're doing well and she's great. Point is there are lots of success stories.
We do live in a decent sized city, where there are a lot of fish in the sea.
Yeah, I wouldn't suggest it be your only approach, but they do work in some cases. I'm poly and met one of my partners on OKCupid and another on Feeld.
Dating profiles are like work resumes. They take work and refinement. Not getting responses? Try tweaking your profile and changing your profile pics. I find apps that don't let you put more than a few minutes into your profile are a waste of time because you simply can't figure out which profiles are real people and which are bots/scammers. I include everything in my profile that might be a common dealbreaker (poly, not religious, child-free, etc) so that anyone who swipes on me has already already filtered into a smaller and better-matched dating pool.
The other thing that has worked for me is to not chat with a person online for longer than necessary. You need those low-stake getting-to-know-you topics to fill the awkward silences until you know you them to the point where they become companionable silences. Once I'm confident that the other person is real and that we have the potential for a connection, I ask if they want to have a quick vibe check meeting. 30-minutes to an hour max, typically over coffee, minimal pressure. Just get that first conversation over with. Let them know you're a safe person first, then hopefully establish a connection, build up some flirty energy, and schedule a real date on the way out.
Edit: Noticed a half-finished thought and completed it.
Its not a total scam, I know some couples who met on dating apps. However, be aware that as a man your choice is limited. There are about 10 men for every woman on dating apps.
It can work, but honestly I think its easier to get to know people when I'm out and about. This depends on how outgoing you are, though, of course.
That’s the problem for those of us less outgoing, those of us whose hobbies are solitary
Dating apps are bad, full stop. HOWEVER if you are a decent looking person you can get by. Hinge is the only app thats really working out for a lot of people, but as a man youre likely going to need to pay for results. Also it depends on your location. If youre not in a place with a few hundred thousand people, you may not want to bother.
If youre bored, average looking, and have money to throw out, you may want to try it. What can you lose other than some cash?
I'm 35, Ive been using them since they were new, around 21 until right around the pandemic, so around when I turned 30. My impression is that they have gone downhill a lot. I don't consider myself a very handsome man, but I'm pretty well read and I have a lot of hobbies and I can hold a conversation. Early on, it was literally just a list of people and profiles. You could start a conversation with anyone, I did pretty well. I would say in this era, (maybe between 2011 and 2014) I would rate OKC the best. Tinder showed up and I gave it a try and I would say its the worst (and remained the worst). The gamification even then was insane. Pay for higher placement. Pay for 'super likes.' None of these were guarantees she would reply back or even see it; you could have been throwing your money in a void. Like a skinner box for incels.
I won't pretend there isn't a physical dimension to dating; but the way Tinder was set up, it was inevitable it was going to become a "hook up" app. You had the option to post something like 8 pictures and eventually they let you post a short bio, at first it was just a few words (which most people left blank anyway). It was designed to be a meat market. I know people have met their partners there and I am not trying to take that away from anyone but come on guys, that's not what Tinder is. I honestly had better luck meeting women on 4chan than Tinder. And it doesn't help now that the Match group has a crushing hold on the entire industry, so the gamification model has basically spread everywhere. All of the things about Tinder in this thread are true; the gender imbalance, the bots, the scammers. I ended up deleting everything in 2020; I had a girl ghost me and everything after that just felt so fake.
Yes.
It's a waste of time. There is so much technology between you and real people that it is just a exercise in frustration.
Work on yourself, get a hobby, go to groups that have that hobby as their main thing, there you will find a new mate or someone who will introduce you to your new mate or someone who knows someone who will introduce you to your new mate or...
Or if you really want to go with apps buy unlimited likes, boost your profile and set up an autoclicker that just accepts everything. If you got a bunch of matches you can ghost the people you don't want.
The apps are awful. Get a hobby and meet some new friends and they have friends etc
They aren't bad, they are worse.
Met the love of my life on plenty of fish. Never been happier than these last ten years. 50 now.
It's not easy finding a decent woman on there though, won't lie, I struck gold.
I met my partner on an app relatively recently and would not have met them otherwise. It can be a way to meet interesting people that you would not easily come across otherwise.
But, there are some caveats.
I would recommend trying a few and finding one that fits your interests/people in your area actually use.
Also investigate what the apps do with your data. You are sharing some very personal/sensitive data with them. Make sure they take good care of it.
Some apps seem to be pay-to-win. Do keep that in mind. Also, do keep in mind you are in the minority as a guy. Don't feel discouraged if it takes a long time to get any matches. I notice I can get somewhat addicted to scrolling through the apps and get discouraged when no one seems to like me. If that's the case make sure to not open the app for a while and go outside.
~~I personally think Feeld is one of the least bad ones, because it is great for different kinds of relationships and that fits me well, as well as they seem to take somewhat value my privacy and data. I also tend to pay for apps I actually use, because when the product is free, I am the product. Remember these companies have costs as well.~~
Still, nothing beats starting conversations with people in real life. Just be friendly, open, interested and don't expect anything from the other party straight away.
You'll be fine!
Afaik there are no good Dating apps.
In March 2024, the British cybersecurity company Fortbridge identified several critical security vulnerabilities in the app. These flaws allowed unauthorized third parties to access private messages and photos, edit user profiles, and search preferences and messages. The vulnerabilities' duration remains unclear. Feeld claimed that the issues were resolved within three months of being identified. Feeld did not directly inform regulators or notify users of the potential breach of their private data, citing an absence of evidence that any data had been accessed.[27] In its report on the investigation, Fortbridge said that six months had passed between their initial disclosure of the vulnerabilities and Feeld's confirmation that the issues had been patched.
Also feeld has 3 Analytics Libraries included: https://reports.exodus-privacy.eu.org/en/reports/co.feeld/latest/#trackers
Also most apps require you to upload fotos about yourself.
You're right, I'll retract the recommendation 😉
Also investigate what the apps do with your data…. Make sure they take good care of it.
That’s certainly the biggest reason I never succeeded with online dating. I’ve never been able to get past creating a profile, with all the personal data you’d have to give, and no way to trust any of them with it.
Maybe I’m biased, I knew someone a couple decades ago planning to build an online dating app and he spent most of his time figuring out how to monetize the data
I would say no. While they make the process more superficial and gamify it to the gain of the companies rather than the users, lots of people find partners on dating apps. A quick google reveals that already in 2017 dating apps were the leading way couples originally met.
So I would at least try them, just keep in mind how they work and what the incentives are. And don’t take it personally if you don’t get a lot of matches - that happens to a lot of people. Also I would definitely not pay for a subscription, that’s the scam part.
Haha so many people here getting 0 matches
For real. Matches have much less to do with appearance or age than they do with bad profiles, poor chatting skills, or unpleasant personality traits
How are matches related to chatting skills? you chat AFTER your match.
Ok, 0 matches or striking out early
My 60 year old dad found a new wife on dating apps. Give it a try.
Don’t forget. The vast majority of those real ones are hookers or OF “models” or some dude sitting in Asia pretending to be a woman
Source?
Call it user experience. I also forgot to mention the latest trend, AI bots. Or, how a large portion of the profiles you see are from inactive accounts. And, I have suspicions even deleted accounts.
Edit: Forgot to mention the people that are just trying to up their followers on social media. That’s another good one. The ones where the IG or Snapchat profile is in their pictures to try and not get banned.
Ooh, yeah. The signal to noise ratio is definitely a mess. Doesn't mean there aren't people on there, but there's also a lot of crap.
But to me, that's just the normal internet now :-(
We're gonna find out.
6 months ago, I'd say yes. No matches at all. But I've worked out a lot in those 6 months, and I got better clothes, more comfortable haircuts, new glasses.
Imma have my brother get some photos.
I was recently told by several women that I really shouldn't have a hard time as long as I don't take selfies. I make good money, I'm 6'0", I'm white (apparently matters more than I would hope), I got blue eyes, and I have muscle. Im attractive at first glance.
They said I don't need a perfect anything as long as it looks like I put effort in to appearing good. It's something about effort and confidence being more attractive than being Henry Cavill. But I also have to learn to stay to my values and not just fall for the first hot woman I get a match with.
You can be an extremely hot man but if you can't converse better than "idk lol" and never ask any relevant questions, you're unlikely to have a good time. People like when potential matches are interested in them.
Your message I'm replying to seems fine, so that's promising.
At least give it a while before you try