Ask Lemmy

I'm 45. I haven't kept a count of 'conquests' since my early 20s. If a woman knows her number without thinking about it, that tells me a lot about her maturity level and matters way more than the actual number.

It isn’t all. It means she knows what she is doing!

More XP. Higher level. Better rewards.

It smells like reheated puritanism in here... Glad to know the more things change, the more they stay the same.

No, it would not matter to me. I wouldn't ask, either. People deserve their privacy. But I'm aware of how outdated that concept may sound or be, nowadays. If I got to know, I'd like to know from the start. Because... yes.

The least I'd expect would be for the person to respect me and make sure everything was well and safe, before condoms could be considered to be overlooked. I always made sure to watch my health in regards to others.

I'm aware that for this hypothetical STDs are to be diaregarded but still...

But "body count"? What happened to "sex partners" or "lovers"? Got too clinical or too intimate? I'd like to understand the almost pathological need of lingo nowadays to create distance or sound military. In this case, both at the same time. Let's dehumanize ourselves a bit more.

Going back to the original question again:

No, it does not matter how many people warmed their sheets or enjoyed their bits. Good for them, got lucky, but I get to keep the prize. Maybe share a bit, if we get a bit more on the wild side.

Let's raise the stakes. What if the person is/was a sex worker? A prostitute or maybe a porn actor or actress? Does their line of work makes them less worthy of having emotional needs? Less human? Less of a person? Not really. In my understanding they are as deserving, if not even more, of having someone love, respect and support them.

I remember watching this documentary on sex workers years back and how this actress described her need, after a long day of work of being fucked, to go home, have a shower, have a nice meal with her partner and afterwards go to bed and make love in the missionary position. Telling, isn't it?

And in the extreme scenario of that long line of people stemming from some trauma or perhaps a mental health condition, again, it should not matter at all.

I'm now available for your downvotes and vitriole.

Not a factor at all, but using the term "body count" is enough on its own to lose interest.

One homicide might be an accident, once someone's over a dozen I wouldn't want them in my house.

I know for a fact my wife has a higher count than I do, how much more? No clue, because I never asked and it doesn't matter.

Everything she's done up until I met her, made her the woman I love today.

So someone likes sex. So do I. We have that in common. Your body count is of no concern of mine. Honestly none of my business who or how many as long as we are together we stay faithful unless previously agreed upon.

None. No number. Why does it matter? Like, at all?

Body count is stupid.

As long as someone is honest with you, cares about you, and gotten tested so they aren't spreading anything... who honestly gives a shit?

If you have a problem with the number of people your partner slept with prior to meeting you, you really shouldn't be dating, as you need therapy to work through your issues before you start mucking about with other people.

don't care. I've never even asked a woman how many people she's been with. It's none of my business.

Anything above 5 makes me cautious. Anything above 10 is a hard no.

And no, this is not a double standard, I am below 5 myself

I have had zero partners, and I think I'd feel really insecure with someone more experienced. Depending on the person it might not be a dealbreaker, as long as it's not more than maybe 2 or 3. Although I know that is a very small percentage of people my age :(

Context not included, the number itself doesn't matter, but the context with the number can potentially matter. For example if they had sex with 50 people and thought they were in love with most of them, then how can i feel like their love for me is real and going to last? But if they had sex with 1000 people when they were being sex trafficked against their will, then (aside from concerns about possible related trauma) the number wouldn't matter at all.

Not a deal breaker at all :3

Honestly makes it more fun uwu

Assuming no STIs, I honestly don't care.

As long as the body count is not murders or abducted people in a basement its fine

I’m married so it’s moot, but I’m gonna go against the grain a little bit here. I don’t know that it would ever be a dealbreaker but it might signal a fundamental incompatibility because of me. I recently discovered the term “demisexual” and that describes me pretty well. I’d say I’m somewhere between demi and flat out asexual. So yeah, I wouldn’t judge a high number from a partner but I would worry that we wouldn’t work out, if that makes sense.

I don’t really care. If anything more experience doing something tends to make one better at it

Triple digits?! Yare-yare... I guess the main deciding factor would be: are you still a competitive hedonist or have you finally understood the almost sacred and unbreakable relationship between love and sex?

Considering that I’m approaching triple digits, it’d be pretty hypocritical for me to not be comfortable with my partners also having a high count.

Edit to add: Honestly, I prefer that my partners have a decently high count. It means that they know what they’re doing, know what they want, and know how to ask for it. The only downside is that we never have a good answer to the stock question of, “What wild fantasy do you have that you’ve never done?” We’ve all probably done anything that we’ve fantasized about.

Not something I care about. I was my partner's 100th. The quantity was much less significant than the meticulous data collection (there was a spreadsheet) but that was an overall plus.

Depends on the other person's body count, attitude towards sex, and maturity.

When I was a virgin, the idea of being with someone who wasn't a virgin made me feel incredibly insecure.

Once I had had one partner, the idea of being with someone who had had more than one partner made me very insecure.

Now that I've had a handful of partners, I've realized it doesn't matter to me anymore.

I don't think it would matter, but I've never faced that reality so I don't know for sure.

So "body count" in American English means murders in most contexts. Making this question rather confusing at first.

I can't answer the first question because my wife and I both have counts of 1: each other. The second question...if I had an issue I would make that clear before a first date of it was indeed a deal breaker.

A better question would be what age did you grow up and stop caring. I was probably around 18

For me, I don’t care to know the details of their past relationships. It’s none of my business. If anything, sharing body counts is just another way to shame a partner for something that should not be held against anyone. So what if she sucked 37 dicks? Doesn’t matter if it was in a row or not.

I'm not sure I understand the question. What is STI and in what context should I understand 'body count'?

Is it sexual partners? If that is so, I don't give a f... I mean, I don't care. It's not some hunting competition, at least not for me or for my spouse.

The only thing I would care is us, my partner and I, being honest about anything happening that could jeopardize our relationship. Including any past or present adventures.

I don’t ask for that information. As long as he has shown himself to be a good, loyal partner, his sexual past wouldn’t matter to me unless he did something unethical to achieve it.

Personally I'd start to have an issue if they've been with over double my count as I think its indicative of a mismatched libido that could lead to problems.

If there are no STI's involved, I fail to see how it's anyone else's business. Unless your partner decides to willingly divulge this info, of course.

I know for a fact that I am completely comfortable with low double digits and the numbers really aren't that important. I'm not a high scorer by any means, but never really thought about the numbers. Can't remember ever asking for a count.

Wait ... Is it that common for people to have single digit bodycounts? I had the impression it was just antisocial solitary weirdos like me who remained comfortably under ten

Opposite. I would strongly prefer an experienced partner. So I guess I'd have a minimum, and not sure if I'd have a max. Though I also haven't ever "counted" so I would find it odd if someone with a lot of partners had kept count.