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A collection of some classic Lemmy memes for your enjoyment
Imagine you had to date a pool of people who tend to systematically deny the validity of your experiences or perspective. You have a way of referring to your experiences in a way that
Would you latch on to it as a way of filtering out dates?
I had several friends at school with the same birthday as me, so obviously we had the same personality and all the same stuff kept happening to us.
Theres a not so secret third option, don't date folks that believe in such nonsense.
I used to be a bit of a dick about astrology. I still think it's nonsense, but now I kinda view it as a structure for people to explore their own emotions and as a kind of authority struct to get people to treat those emotions as valid. Ultimately I feel like its no different than me sharing emo song lyrics with an "omg they understand me frfr" type message. Maybe the astrology believer isn't upset because Venus is in retrograde or whatever, but they are upset their emotions are valid. I don't gain anything from being a wet blanket about scientific accuracy in that situation, and they feel like I am invalidating their emotions if I choose to be that scientifically accurate wet blanket. Plus, retrograde is a dope word and I'm not sure if I'd know it if not for the crystal girls I've dated
yes. they want to feel their emotions are valid. even if they aren't. Astrology and other theoretical systems also take the locus of control out of their own authority and place it in a higher authority to which they are subjected.
and therein lies the problem. not every emotion is valid. some emotions are invalid. but if you aren't responsible for the causes of your emotions... you're not responsible for figuring out which ones are valid or invalid. they are something that happens to you, not something you control.
and happy well-adjusted folks... learn to figure out which is which, and unhappy folks... can't or won't do this. and a huge part of therapeutic processes is ... learning to identify and assess your own emotional states and whether or not to act on them.
Explains why I'm horribly unhappy I have Alexithymia.
Don't believe in astrology though.
(Edit: also emotions can't be "valid" or "invalid" they're just the source of your motivations really.)
Emotions can be based in reality. Or they can be based in false perceptions of reality.
That's what makes them valid or invalid.
Your fear of the boogeyman in the closet is invalid. Your fear of the drunk driver weaving around you on the highway is valid.
Of course, if you don't believe reality exists, or that reality is entirely derivation of your emotions, then yeah, you should be very very afraid and you should invest in anti-boogeyman man traps to put in your closet so he can't get you at night.
But of course, most of us would consider people who believe in boogeymen to be delusional. Delusion is a symptom of psychological problems. And delusional folks think it's everyone else who is insane for not seeing the Boogeyman.
people have lots and lots of emotions that are not based in external reality, many are based in fictions they make up in their heads. but of course, being able to recognize and admit that... is not a capability many folks develop. many folks never question their emotions at all.
I never make fun of it I just roll my eyes and move on.
The reason I have trouble getting laid is my neuroticism and pickiness. When I find someone smart, atheist, similar sense of humor, into video games & tech, politically aligned with me, and there is mutual physical attraction, I end up acting like a crazy person and blow it all up.
If at least 1 of those boxes is not checked (except the mutual physical attraction bit of course) I usually feel pretty meh about the person but I usually keep my cool and can get laid. However, then I usually don't pursue a relationship with them beyond that.
Recently found someone that I am pretty sure checked all those boxes, so had a mental breakdown and scared them off. Kind of want to buy some rope and/or find a nice tall bridge these days.
it sounds like you're just really egotistical and you need someone to be a mirror image of yourself before you find them remotely interesting.
also like you hate yourself, so yeah, you'd self sabotage the second you met someone like yourself, and by definition, neither of you can emotionally regulate so it's doomed anyway.
I don't want to date dumb people, religious people (but I repeat myself), rightwingers and centrists (but I repeat myself again twice more), we need to have a rapport through humor, and I want to be able to share video games as a hobby with a future partner. I think these are reasonable desires.
Honestly self-awareness is the first step to change, and what's painful is you will become aware before you become able to act on self-improvement, but that's how it works. I also think those who have trouble with relationships imagine that others are always having a great time but that's certainly not the case. Prove to yourself that you're better than you perceive yourself to be, ignore your self talk when you say it won't happen, and keep pushing. Get help if you're serious about those thoughts, because nobody should have to fight that battle alone
As long as they make fun of you for having an MBTI phase, then all is well in love and peace