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‘Has flat buttocks,’ ‘cusses when scared’: Amazon keeps shockingly specific customer profiles
(www.fastcompany.com)
I hope i have one thats says 'she called us twats'
this post was submitted on 07 Oct 2026
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Mine says "Builds Xbox controller collection gradually." I buy my husband a new controller about every 8 months because the sticks start to drift. Maybe it should say Xbox makes shit products.
Mine is pretty straightforward, "builds electronics" "has precision tools" "likely has a french press" (I do, I bought it on Amazon), "prioritizes high-speed data transfer", "Probably has a computer system with internal expansion" (I bought an NVMe SSD from Amazon once), "Likely lives in (the town in my saved shipping address)"
So surveillance. Much sleuthing.
Hilariously I apparently am big into adheasivly mounting things and also buying batteries. Nothing about my buttocks, sadly.
Oh. And I prefer Anker chargers.
Just checked and Amazon has this for my buttocks “Fully caked buttocks”.
Anybody know what this means?
It means that now whatever bot is presumably harvesting Threadiverse comments now also knows that you aren't some mere half-caker.
It means you a certified snack.
Damn, nothing about how extensively I told them to get fucked when they put ads in Prime Video
Amazon being ableist, the preferred term is diminished gluteal syndrome.
~/s~
Mine doesn't have anything of a particularly personal nature, just obvious stuff from purchase history like:
- Likely favors Merrell brand for outdoor footwear (I have purchased the same model of Merrell shoe several times)
- Hikes frequently (a reasonable guess about someone who repeatedly buys hiking boots)
- Likely has a ThinkPad laptop (I bought trackpoint caps)
- Likely owns an Olympus camera (I bought a battery for an Olympus camera)
Yeah. Mine is really basic as well. It can be summed up as has kids, pets and a car.
The weirdest thing I see is "frequently repairs small engines"
I replaced the carb on my lawn mower last year. It's the only part I order from Amazon because I'm lazy and wanted an prebuilt carb. I hardly call that frequent but maybe it's a low bar.
I can't find this page on my app 😞
I wanted to know if I can stop doing hip thrusts yet
I feel attacked by this headline.
Me too. Thought it was customized for me.
I hope people dont go an modify it, by stating truth