Ask Lemmy

I lived in the deep south my whole life. Almost everyone I knew was conservative. Parents, siblings, a grandparent, friends, neighbors, colleagues and almost everyone else in my life was conservative.

After I retired and Trump won again, I decided to disown them all. I politely said goodbye to everyone, explaining I will be difficult to contact for a while, but not to worry. I then moved 1800 miles away to a nice blue part of the country. It was physically and financially very difficult. I changed my phone number and email and gave no one any way to contact me, except the few non-conservative friends I have. I have no plans to ever speak with any of them ever again.

It's been almost 2 years now. I couldn't be happier. My stress is significantly lower without conservatives in it. I now wear my politics on my sleeve, which has resulted in a large number of new, high quality friends. I no longer feel any desire to drink and truly believe my depression is gone. I really do enjoy life right now, despite my concerns that civil war and genocide are upon us.

Disowning conservatives is the absolute best thing I have ever done to improve my quality of life. I highly recommend it.

Blocking name callers on Lemmy. It's a very small community and it makes a huge difference. Anyone that is hateful enough to type out useless mean things instead of just a simple downvote is someone to avoid. Charged criticism that clearly denotes an opinion, contrasting view, attempts to provide education, or offers an opportunity to educate is all good. I'm not trying to live in an echo chamber. But, if it's a simple mean spirited slur or jab even at someone else's comment - block! It really cleans up the feed fast. Most people here are pretty on edge, but there's only a handful of total assholes and they can be avoided.

1. Getting a Dumbphone. I've never regretted it, though there are some changes I wish mine did & didn't have, I've never thought about switching back, let alone happily, It has what I want & need it to do without me having distractions I have to look at to use my phone, Calls, Texts, Photos, Music, Alarms & the snake is decent,

2. Getting up really really early. weirdly, as a night owl I love getting up super early, it's hard to get into, & you can mess it up quite easily, but wonderful when you do get into the groove of it, there's a lot of guilt when staying up late but when up early you get all the benefits of being up late without the guilt, you can often catch the night before the sun is up, let alone the rest of the world, great stuff.

These aren't for everyone ofc, this is just my experience.

So besides the obvious of transitioning and meeting my wife, the big one is getting comfortable socializing and becoming part of communities.

I used to have crippling social anxiety, like, I felt like an intruder with no right to be there going to the grocery store (and I still struggle with that instinct). But I made a point early into my transition to start going to events I was interested in. It was college so it was easier to find them, but events still happen outside college you just have to look harder for them.

I made friends, and those friends dragged me to stuff. I even worked up the courage to go to a social meetup for the local bdsm community, which I'd been interested in. And slowly but surely I learned that there's a lot to gain and little downside to going to an advertised event that seems fun, and that if I'm interested in doing something I should look for it. This is everything from meetups to classes to whatever. If I won't know anyone that's ok, I can just say I'm new and interested in it.

I've moved time zones away and within a year built community and made friends in my new home. I've run groups solely because I was tired of waiting for someone else to run them. I met my wife while attending an event alone (she was too) and just flirting with her.

I'm still fucking awkward irl, I'm still nervous going to something new or where I'm not well known, I still get a rush of fear going into some public spaces. But I know I can handle it, and I know how to make friends, and I know it's not going to be a catastrophe if things go wrong or I screw up. I also know I'm much happier when I leave my apartment and meet up with people.

I think this is a skill a lot of people really need to learn.

I stopped smiling and catering to rapists and nazis (republicans). I tell them exactly how I feel. really helps my mental health.

Switched to a degoogled privacy ROM on my phone. Quit FB, X and any other bog tech social media Quit my previous career and took a year off. Went to a IT Boot Camp and pivoted careers. Did all of these after I got over a full blown pandemic and work induced burn out.

Label everything. Even stuff that's obvious. Idk why but it's easier for me to process that the thing of leftovers has Mac and cheese if I write it instead of just rely on seeing it. I leave myself post it notes for chores I intend to do later.

Coffee.

Therapy, switching to linux, taking steps to transition, coming out to a friend irl

In that order

Gave up pretty much most of my free time to work at a series of meaningless jobs that eventually made it a bit easier to hunt for bargains on potatoes in my old age.

Started taking a class. The people I'm hanging around now are slowly restoring my faith in humanity.

Installed a bidet. What a beautiful thing to always have a clean bum.

Started exercising every day. All I do is 10 pushups, 60 seconds of planking, and 30 sit-ups. It takes less than 10 minutes and I've done it for about a year and a half and I've got a nicely toned stomach and better core strength from it. I'm pretty happy about it and it definitely makes me more confident. I also watch what I eat. I've lost about 40lbs in that time

SELF REFLECTION AND LOSING WEIGHT DURING COVID!

Retrospectively i was real scum and an asshole befor. Ye ye i was a teenager with lots of issues that made me fall this was, and growing up in a toxic, unhealthy (food and behaviour wise) parents home, did anything but help. But the confidence of lots of cycling, being out so much, having now a body you actually like, is not overrated. Reflecting, turning to better philosophie, questioning my own behaviour and beliefs. Amazing. While i still am working on unlearning trauma-endused behaviour, i wouldnt be here if i didnt start this journy in the first place. Covid isolation truely was the best thing to happen in my life.

Stop drinking alcohol

I kept buying scissors until i can always find a pair of scissors

Stop drinking alcohol.

Started lifting weights.

stopped trying to discuss things with idiot fundamentalists on lemmy

it's a waste of time, these people are stupid