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This is all fine until they say shit like "you never do anything around here unless I tell you to".
And when people constantly tell you "hey could you do this... could you do that" they never give you the chance to show that you would do stuff on your own as well.
Sadly this is what I think eventually broke up my last relationship. My ex was very much that, I wanted to show I could do things on my own accord but I never got the chance to actually do so and my brain in all of its fucked up ways refused to do all of that stuff less after being told to do so because it's further perpetuating that i can't do it without being told to first. And further down that spiral i went, deeper and deeper.
I eventually got over the feeling. My response is an "already on it" in the sense of a playful "i beat you to it", and I expect an "awesome, thanks" in turn. That way it's gratitude and support for each other - since that was the intention to begin with - instead of resentment for an unnecessary reminder.
Imo it helps to remind oneself that mental load is a thing and they're reminding themselves just as much as you. Getting ahead of the reminder consistently will eventually make the reminder obsolete and lighten the mental load.
What a breath of fresh air in this comment thread. You get it.
hey can you do the thing you're doing
:(
Yup I dont like to study what I am told to study but I like to study which I am not told or required.
I think fully half of the fights with my mom growing up was due to her telling me to do a thing, in the most naggy, demanding tone, as I was doing it
Worse: This, but with a fiancΓ©e... "Eurgh, you never do any household work!" "Seriously? Sure we can have that discussion, but like... literally while I'm vacuuming?!"
Urgh yeah, the absolute social misplay of using someoneβs decision to be productive as an excuse to badger them about how rarely they are productive.
Like, this is human interaction 101, donβt punish good behaviour, bite your tongue and enjoy the win, save the discussion for when they arenβt being productive!
A lot of mine were me just returning from a different room, and the process of sitting down, and she says shit like "oh while you're up" or asks if I could get her something from the room I just returned from
Why would someone downvote you sharing your lived experience? Some people here are so strange.
Haters gonna hate.
Or I have a lemmy-stalker.
I have this and it's due to Psychological reactance.I'm still trying figure out how to work around it.
Me too, from autism
I wouldn't say it a true work-around, but my father has told us he will not do anything we *demand* of him, but if we make a *request* which he can turn down, he will usually be okay with doing the task. He likes being helpful and appreciated. A "request" from authority or with consequences if he turns it down, does not count.
This may not work for everyone, but it works for our family. And it only works because he's old enough to be near the top of family/social authority. He was a rebellious son and there was no workaround for him to obey his parents.
Hey, could you get on that for me? Thanks bro
I've literally just started calling my mum out on it. I tell her, "I was literally going to, but now I won't out of spite" so that she knows not to do it and that I'm just as petty as her when it comes to being told to do something.
It's actually started to help
For me, that would be a great way to get kicked out of the house
Autonomy needs a sense of belonging. So reassuring yourself that you made the choice before being asked.
...might want to keep an eye on the guy in red though. If he assumes your acquiescence too much you'll get "thwarted belonging".
I love guilt tripping so I'll easily hit em with 'what do you think I'm doing? fuck you' (last part optional ofc)
:
"fuck me yourself, coward"
When a tiny dog barks while you walk away, to make it look like it's the reason you walk away.
Reason # 5,348 why I love living alone.
Im mostly ok with this, but when they start telling me how to do the dishes, that's when I lose motivation.
.... well now I'm not doing it!
This seems to only happen when it comes from people I actively dislike.
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