Spoiler alert, I'm trying to donate a kidney to a close friend who's been on dialysis for a few years. Cancer took out both kidneys and he's finally healthy enough for a transfer.
If you or a loved one has donated their kidney I'd love to know more.
As far as I know I've done all the testing and all but one was passed with flying colors. At my age I feel a bit of pride being healthy enough to donate. My BP was a bit high during the testing day, which hasn't been a problem before. I have an all day monitor coming in the mail just to be sure.
My family and friends have been along this journey with me and I hadn't planned to say anything to anyone else, particularly here. Some people do good to brag and I don't want to be like that. I do enjoy the positive attention when I do good so for me it's a real fear it'll become an ego thing.
What changed my mind and why I'm here asking is the below email from my daughter. She's 27 and the mother of my only granddaughter.
"I don’t really have questions about the process I have concerns and feelings.
I understand the medical system will do the best they can but that doesn’t mean things can’t still happen and that’s my worry.
Selfishly I think “what if something happens?” “what if I loose the person I consider my support system?” “what if any of us get less time with you?” “what if this doesn’t help?” “What if Kevin isn’t appreciative?” “What if you have other problems down the line?” The “what ifs” are scary.
There are also some feelings towards Kevin and I am conflicted with them, he’s never don’t anything to me or to deserve a bad reputation but I hold a level of animosity for threatening my stability. It took my a few conversations with my therapist to understand why I was even upset at him and it’s because he’s putting something I care deeply about at risk. Even if it’s for a good reason.
I am also conflicted because the medical side of me knows he deserves the help just as much as anyone, it’s not about him receiving the help it’s about the help coming from MY dad. It’s hard for me.
I’ve held off saying anything because I know nothing I will say can change the decision and I’m not sure that’s what I really want, I think I just wish it didn’t have to be you that went under the knife."
So those who have been through this at some point, how you navigate instances like this would be helpful to read. Not the choice you made, that's mine to make, but your reasoning and thoughts as you went through this.
At the meetings and testing with all the doctors including the surgeon I had a ton of questions about my life after surgery. I never once bothered to ask my risk of death and what happens if suddenly I'm at risk during the surgery. It just didn't occur to me death was a risk.
I'm meeting with my transplant advocate today, those who don't know this is someone outside of the rest of the organization to make sure I'm taken care of and can get out at any point. So I'll talk to her about my new questions, she won't have answers but she'll get meetings set with those who do for me. What else did you ask that I should consider asking?
When I first read my daughters email my initial thought was to reply "don't worry, I'll be fine" and placate her. She has always been the worry wart of the family. But I decided to sleep on it and I thought before I finalize what I'm thinking it's best to go outside of my family and standard support groups and outside of the medical system that's helping me through this and ask strangers on the internet that their experience has been like.
Thank you and I look forward to reading your comments and talking with you! Now I'm going to try to go back to sleep.