Ask Lemmy

Bro, just get on Grindr or go to a gay bar and have fun sucking dick/getting your dick sucked. "Dating" doesn't need to be this huge thing - just show up, be yourself, and have a good time. As long as you arent a total asshole, tell people how you're feeling and what you are looking for, it'll be fine. Yeah, maybe you'll break somebody's heart. But as long as both people are adults about it, it isn't a terrible, world-ending catastrophe. Its just ywo people who, for one reason or another, arent compatible.

Be friends first. Those are the best relationships anyway.

Disclaimer - I am not a man just a mom to some queer kids.

From your responses below, I get the feeling your idea of romantic attraction may have been formed by the relentless hetero-romantic focus of media, and don't know what romantic love toward a man might feel like?

First, do you need it? If you had a brotherly fun friendship and hot sex with a guy but didn't feel cuddly or whatever you associate with 'romance' would you find it a satisfying relationship?

I mostly wanted to say I think it would be fine to share some of your thoughts with your dates. Let them know where you are at, mentally.

Maybe you're just picky about guys. It happens. If you do find a guy you really like, then you should go for it

Honestly, if you have even considered dating men as a potential option, you're probably attracted to men enough for it to be viable. Straight men don't have these thoughts, not even in passing (unless we're talking about attraction towards an extremely feminine man or passing transgender woman, I guess).

I hate to state the obvious but if you haven't developed romantic feelings for guys then you probably won't. It would've happened already. That's just how you're wired.

That said there's no harm in trying it out.

As someone who has experienced feelings for both genders, it has been my experience that feelings can develop without trying to start a relationship. That said there are people out there who are demisexual, but I doubt that would be limited to one gender for you.

I guess I’m just worried that if I give it a shot, I might not feel anything more than what I feel toward my male friends. In the worst case, they might develop feelings for me, and then I’d have to break their heart - and I hate the thought of that.

You are definitely over-thinking this bit.

"I can't try having a relationship because it might not work out and then we'd be unhappier."

No. Unthink this. You can't insist that your very first romantic relationship with a man must last for life. That's too high a bar.

Become friends with some gay dudes. Just saying...

I'm from the opinion you should always give love a chance, even if it doesn't work out, no one is perfect so you are never gonna find your one until you try. Try matching with someone and if the conversation is good give it a try, maybe you end up enjoying his company a lot.

Sexuality and romantic attraction are two separate spectrums. It is perfectly possible that that you can be sexually attracted to both sexes, but only romantically attracted to one.

The other posters are right for the most part- try things out, make good friendships, see if you feel the pull. Life is for experimentation.

Speaking as someone who dated a guy, the only way to find out if you are able to develop feelings for a man is to develop feelings for a man.

How did you know you can have romantic feelings for a woman before you had romantic feelings for one (if you've had such feelings)?

Romantic feelings can develop without knowing a person. They can develop without the target even being real. People often have experience with romantic feelings toward a fantasy or fictional character long before they are old enough for a relationship.

Have you never identified with the romantic feelings toward a character in fiction (novel, movie, etc)? Have those experiences not been particular toward a gender?

I think people imagine this stuff is more conscious and rational than it is. It just happens and it doesn't necessarily make sense.