Ask Lemmy

My cousin taught me a word the night before that meant fart. So, I used it the next day in class when I was telling a joke about how I farted. Yeah, queef doesn't quite mean what I thought it meant.

In kindergarten, I was in a pencil-sharpening contest with 2 girls. They colluded to say I lost, and my sense of justice was insulted. So I declared that “girls are toilets” and spent the next hour in time-out.

In preschool one of the teachers (who was a friend of my parents) decided to play a game, she called it "what are your parents hobbies". I went first, and said, "my dad's hobby is rolling joints." That was the end of that game.

Being a child of immigrants, neither I nor my parents were aware that there were connotations to my super awesome purple shirt with a giant glittery "69" written on the front. It was so cheap, and way better quality than any of the other clothes we could afford. I wore it proudly at least once a week from grades 3 to 6. I visited multiple friends' houses and parents wearing it because it was my best shirt. No one said anything about it.

Hahaha I grew up in a very conservative house in the South. Most of what I said before college was embarrassing.

I'm better now.

When I was little, I acted out cartoon violence by poking a girl's butt with a stick and the teacher told me that I was in trouble for reasons that I would understand when I was older.

I was showing my date's parents where my beard stops and my peach fuzz starts, which was around my mouth (that made sense in context, a bunch of people were there and we were talking about high schoolers growing beards).

To demonstrate this I put my fingers in a v-shape around my mouth and accidentally made the universal sign of eating pussy.