IamtheMorgz

I can only speak for my own experience, but here's what I've been doing.

I have had an interest in the violin since I was in middle school. Back then my parents couldn't afford to get me one, much less lessons. I tried twice as a adult to pick it up on my own (renting an instrument and watching videos on YouTube) but both times I couldn't stick with it and ended up returning the instrument. I eventually bought one secondhand and told myself I'd learn at some point. But after the times with the rental I couldn't bring myself to try. I knew how bad I'd been at it before. Then, about 2.5 years ago, I got a raise at work and decided I'd try again, paying for lessons this time. My instructor and I worked out a system for me. I never ever touch the violin when I don't want to. I'm still not good at playing it! But I still LOVE playing it when I do. Over the last two years I learned that it was never the fact that I sucked that tore me away from the violin. It was that I had framed it as a task I HAD to do to get better. And I would grow to hate picking it up and so eventually just give up. Now though, I practice just about every day that I'm home for, but if I look at it and feel dread, I just don't. I circle back a few hours later and try again. Usually it's passed, sometime not. I don't question it any more.

Honestly I'm at the point now where I could probably stop frequent lessons and still grow and learn from YouTube and the occasional one off lesson, but I like the motivation my teacher gives me. I still have an insane amount of way to go to be what I'd call good at playing, but it's still fun!

Over the last couple years I've been trying this with all my interests. I sew now! I'm getting marginally better with every dumb project. When I look at it and I feel dread (real dread, not indifference) then I pass it over for the hour, or day. If I'm indifferent, I push myself to do 3 minutes of something. 3 minutes is a good start. No timer though. Just not the time on my phone and start. I've never even looked at my phone within those 3 minutes. And usually after getting started I am invested in continuing.

The hard part about all this is that is requires you to be disciplined and honest with yourself. Some days you'll fail at that (I certainly do!) but it does get easier over the long term (although you'll fall off after months of solid progress and have to get back to it after, and that will suck). Most people don't take the time to really think about their own emotional state and this requires (not recommends, REQUIRES) you to do that.

Good luck. You're going to have good days and bad days, but as long as you keep working, your skills (for your hobby and for your understanding of yourself) will grow and grow! I hate to prove all those therapists out there right, but it actually is kinda rewarding.

Hobbies are great ways to find the friends! If it's a hobby that requires you to buy stuff, just start asking the staff at the store for recommendations for groups that you might be able to join. Check Facebook or Twitter for people (in your area or just in general) that are already in said hobby. You stand to make friends AND get better at said hobby. Win win.

I get it. When you're a kid, friends come from being locked up in the same building all day. As an adult the options are work or community (religious house, community center, or hobby specific spaces). It is harder because you only spend a similar amount of time as you did at school in one of those and it's the least fun one. But it can be done! It just takes time. I guess that advice goes for hobbies and for friendships.

Sort of. I'm a gov worker (non fed) and mine is a joke. 1% of salary per year of service. Not very significant. The old scheme was 2.5, I think, and before that it was 30 years to full salary. I still work with people on that old one, and they're about at the full 30. In a generation it's gone from a nice retirement to being more like a supplement. We do pay into SS now though so I guess that's meant to replace it.

Hahaha I grew up in a very conservative house in the South. Most of what I said before college was embarrassing.

I'm better now.

I'm a childfree woman. I am being sterilized in less than 2 weeks. I have a very very long list of reasons I don't want kids. I won't bore anyone by typing them out.

What I find most interesting in this thread is how people have so much of an option on other people's choices still. It's 2025, can we just let each other live?

No, it is not immoral to have kids. The world has always been messed up and it will continue to be until we all die out. Maybe that will happen in the next generation, maybe it won't happen for another 50 generations. We cannot know either way.

No, it is not immoral to not have kids. You do not have a responsibility to continue your bloodline or some nonsense. You can still be invested in the future even if you don't personally have kids.

I wish everyone had put their gender in their replies though. As a general rule, I often see more childfree women than men. I think this is because women are often put in that caregiver role earlier than men and they see how hard it is. Also women have to do the pregnancy/birth part and that seems awful. Men think of the time they'll have to teach and play with their kids, women imagine having to cook a nutritious meal every night or get called negligent. Of course that's not always the dynamic but you have to acknowledge it swings that way.

I mean, anecdotally, I do know someone that bought a new build in mid 2008 for about 60k-ish less than what everyone else in the neighborhood bought for (earlier or later). The company building out the subdivision was pretty desperate and he had a solid stable job as a trucker. He managed to get all kinds of perks and stuff too.