this post was submitted on 07 Jan 2026
206 points (99.0% liked)

Not The Onion

19174 readers
832 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
top 16 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] aesthelete@lemmy.world 6 points 7 hours ago* (last edited 7 hours ago)

You know they (the Whitehouse goons) say that the Capitol Police officer that killed ashli babbitt "never faced charges", this pardon language is so broad that he never could even if he did do something wrong (which he did not).

Trump’s proclamation commuted the sentences of 14 individuals and also granted “a full, complete and unconditional pardon to all other individuals convicted of offenses related to events that occurred at or near the United States Capitol on January 6, 2021.” This immediately covered roughly 1,500 people, including hundreds of defendants who were charged with assaulting or resisting law enforcement officers.

With this language, the guy retroactively created a federal anarchy zone for a period of time in Washington DC.

[–] ayyy@sh.itjust.works 5 points 11 hours ago

That’s why MTG, who was the pipe bomber, feels safe retiring from politics now.

[–] juliebean@lemmy.zip 22 points 22 hours ago

he might've done it accidentally, but it was probably on purpose.

[–] Gnugit@aussie.zone 99 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] Steve@communick.news 11 points 23 hours ago* (last edited 21 hours ago) (1 children)

Yes.
Don't doubt their ~~incomitance~~ incompetence.

[–] SreudianFlip@sh.itjust.works 8 points 21 hours ago* (last edited 21 hours ago) (1 children)

incomitance

Condition in which the manifest or latent angle of deviation of the lines of sight of the two eyes differs according to which eye is fixating or in which direction the eyes are looking. This condition is usually attributed to a paresis or paralysis of one or more of the extraocular muscles.

So, Marty Feldman eyes caused this!?

Edit - look both ways at once before crossing

[–] Steve@communick.news 5 points 21 hours ago
[–] tacosanonymous@mander.xyz 44 points 1 day ago (3 children)

Is there a picture of Kash Patel where he doesn’t look like he simultaneously realized he left the oven on and shit his pants?

[–] northernlights@lemmy.today 2 points 8 hours ago

HAHA can't unsee it. "Shiiiiit!"

[–] defaultusername@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 points 23 hours ago (1 children)

It's as rare as finding a picture of Sam Altman not looking depressed/concerned or a picture of Mark Zuckerberg not looking like a lizard-person.

[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 2 points 8 hours ago

Zuck must have taken the lizard man jibes to heart. At some point he completely changed his image. Bet money he was coached and practiced smiling in the mirror, not even being funny.

May have? Seems pretty black and white to me...

[–] SillyGooseQuacked@lemmy.world 11 points 1 day ago
[–] altphoto@lemmy.today 4 points 1 day ago

Well that's cool I guess. Right? Now it'll be more exciting to do anything outside the house.