this post was submitted on 16 Jan 2026
403 points (98.6% liked)

Not The Onion

19364 readers
788 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] Alpha71@lemmy.world 45 points 4 days ago

Just remember folks. If you see someone stealing food, No you fucking didn't.

[–] TrickDacy@lemmy.world 97 points 5 days ago

Definitely a sign of an "A+++++++" economy: one where you condescendingly tell people how to eat cheap and then lie about the cost of the shitty meal you propose.

[–] hOrni@lemmy.world 112 points 5 days ago (2 children)

Reading the title made me think this is something they are preparing for school lunches or for prisons and thought it was bad. But the reality is even worse, they are expecting average Americans to prepare this feast for themselves at home.

[–] GnerphBaht@sopuli.xyz 21 points 5 days ago (1 children)

In fed prison we were fed more than that for less. Though it turned out we were getting cow hearts, horse meat, and other stuff not fit for human consumption. But boy did they brag about the savings.

[–] IronBird@lemmy.world 25 points 4 days ago (1 children)

if it's any consolation, damn near all meat in the US is considered unfit for human consumption by most of the rest of the world

[–] porous_grey_matter@lemmy.ml 5 points 4 days ago

But ironically heart and horse meat are normal in a bunch of places too

[–] BenjiRenji@feddit.org 2 points 4 days ago

They don't have that much money for school lunches. They have to make due with less.

Realistically the US food prices are only possible with cheap undocumented labor. The whole ICE debacle probably doesn't help the domestic food production.

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 81 points 5 days ago (2 children)

If you're gonna tell us how to eat depressingly cheap at least suggest rice and beans. It's healthy, filling, cheap, vegan, and capable of tasting quite good. It's just also something you'd be pissed if was all you could afford to eat.

[–] dreadbeef@lemmy.dbzer0.com 12 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (2 children)

cajun red beans and rice (~1hr with prep):

  • two cans small red beans
  • holy trinity (diced onion, dice celery, and a doced bell paper any color). The better the dicing, the nicer the effect of the sautee.
  • meat protein (sausage usually, smoked sausage is easier to get, anandouillie is better, if you can avoid the pre cooked ~~hotdogs~~ hillshire farm stuff go for it). Sliced after cooking, not in huge chunks.
  • water/stock (optional, but kinda necessary imo)
  • a pot
  • rice (im filipino, I use what I have, which is jasmine)
  • spices
    • black pepper
    • garlic powder
    • cajun seasoning
    • I add on top of cajun seasoning, more smoked paprika, and cayenne

cook the rice separately if you have a rice cooker or equivalent. im filipino, a rice cooker is more important than a microwave lol so I assume people got em but its fine if you dont, but then youll need another pot if you are looking for speed

in your stove, just use a single pot. cook your meat first if not cooked then slice it. then add the holy trinity and sautee. Then add black pepper to taste (1 tbsp for starters). Then beans (dont let em stick) then your water/stock, and start throwin in that cajun spice, like 2tbsp. it should start smellin amazing. let the beans soften and I like mushin a few to thicken it up. then add those additional spices to taste. No one is gonna say "too much smoked paprika". The stock should be salty already, but if you used plain water or if you want more nows the time as well.

let it do its thing for like 30 minutes, dont let the beans stick to the bottom. squish beans as they soften if you want it thicker (I like it that way).

taste your food as you cook it. Its okay to be imprecise with measuring as long as you are tasting while cooking. Dont overdo the cayenne or people will not like you. Smart with like a teaspoon and taste from there

bone apple tea. This lasts me for a long while, I cook this and another long lasting dish like my grandmas cinci style chili, or a filipino rice dish like adobo/sinigang) and I am a full man for a long time haha. Once you 'invest' in the spices the most expensive ingredient is the meat, so how much you wanna spend on that is up to you, but meat is always going to be expensive because you have to grow an entire animal, feed it, and then harvest it.

[–] Bytemeister@lemmy.world 3 points 4 days ago

Damn. My main weekly lunches are Red beans and Rice or Cincy chili. Weird finding my Filipino doppelganger on here. Def hit me up with that Adobo recipe.

[–] zalgotext@sh.itjust.works 3 points 4 days ago

my grandmas cinci style chili

You wanna hook us up with the recipe, or is that one a tightly guarded secret?

[–] rosefiend@lemmy.world 32 points 5 days ago (1 children)

"But brown people eat those things!" -- some Trump staffer, probably

[–] BCOVertigo@lemmy.world 35 points 5 days ago (6 children)

We call them freedom wraps now.

load more comments (5 replies)
[–] humanspiral@lemmy.ca 11 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago)

You see... the problem with food (and all other inflation) is those damn regulations! Imagine how much bigger piece of chicken you could buy if it was infested with avian flu, and our great American farmers could just make you buy it! If all of the anti-business commies stopping American from being great again, we could should empower (taxpayer giveaways to largest political donors) innovation that provides far cheaper food: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZP_nNemsNT8

[–] evidences@lemmy.world 51 points 5 days ago (1 children)

As stupid as this statement was from the AG secretary all the Democratic legislators jumping on it with AI images is pretty dumb too. You're telling me you couldn't get a staffer to make a shitty meal and post a photo? Come on.

[–] Stern@lemmy.world 22 points 5 days ago (1 children)

They gotta save that extra money to send emails begging for donations, clearly.

[–] DagwoodIII@piefed.social 10 points 5 days ago

Squad Victory Fund.

You can send money directly to the best members of Congress, even if you don't live in their districts.

https://squadvictoryfund.com/

[–] hOrni@lemmy.world 34 points 5 days ago (2 children)

I know that a lot of Americans could lose some weight but there is a difference between dieting and not being able to afford food.

[–] Mihies@programming.dev 23 points 5 days ago (8 children)

Also unhealthy food is usually cheaper

load more comments (8 replies)
[–] AbsolutelyNotAVelociraptor@sh.itjust.works 13 points 5 days ago (4 children)

You are being overly dramatic here with your statement!

The only difference between eating 50grs of chicken a day because you are on a diet and eating 50grs of chicken a day because that's what you can afford is merely conceptual!

You are taking this with the wrong attitude! The Great Leader is making the prices go up so your weak will doesn't have any problems to stick to a diet that will make you thinner!

load more comments (4 replies)
[–] Johnmannesca@lemmy.world 27 points 5 days ago (1 children)

With the amount of white people I've seen eat a corn tortilla and complain, you'd almost think this is satirically produced

[–] bizzle@lemmy.world 21 points 5 days ago (3 children)

Corn tortillas are superior to flour in every way

[–] tburkhol@lemmy.world 19 points 5 days ago (5 children)

Can't make a burrito with a corn tortilla. Otherwise, solid insight.

[–] bizzle@lemmy.world 14 points 5 days ago (4 children)

Damn it how could I forget about the burrito

load more comments (4 replies)
load more comments (4 replies)
[–] halfeatenpotato@sh.itjust.works 17 points 5 days ago

As a half Mexican who grew up with my Mexican family, spent a lot of time in Mexico, and has celiac disease (meaning I cant eat flour), I actually disagree. It makes me sad that I cant eat flour tortillas anymore - especially because my grandma's home made flour tortillas were the fucking bomb.

That being said, street tacos only belong on corn.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] rayyy@piefed.social 24 points 5 days ago

This is probably the diet they recommended for the orange fatso who barely moves. A construction worker or lumberjack cannot possibly function on 'A Piece of Chicken, a Piece of Broccoli, Corn Tortilla, and One Other Thing'.

[–] lechekaflan@lemmy.world 22 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (1 children)

Fucker doing work for Putin.

image

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] ThePantser@sh.itjust.works 26 points 5 days ago (4 children)

$3 used to go a lot further before the Annoying Orange Pedophile fucked shit up. $3 was enough for a whopper at BK, which means $3 was a lot more groceries.

load more comments (4 replies)
[–] Almacca@aussie.zone 14 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Is the 'one other thing' despair?

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] SlippiHUD@lemmy.world 20 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Secretary of Famine. I would like to stop collecting horsemen.

[–] boonhet@sopuli.xyz 6 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Ah good news, you can stop now, that was the fourth one.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] MrFappy@lemmy.world 26 points 5 days ago (1 children)

Hopefully the people that supported this see it as the true grift as it is, feel insulted by being deceived by their worshipped one, and turn on him with all the powers of their wallets supporting them. Then they eat each other.

[–] RaoulDuke85@piefed.social 10 points 5 days ago

Only 9 meals away...

[–] manuallybreathing@lemmy.ml 10 points 4 days ago

Is that the buying power of $3usd? Cool, the economy is probably fine, happy eating

[–] uberdroog@lemmy.world 5 points 4 days ago

Are we at the "let them eat boiled chicken parts" stage? Probably better than most of their supporters get from Dollar General, so in reality, a step up?...right?

The food situation has revealed to me the exact same thing that the streaming service situation has, I forgot just how absurdly easy it is to steal shit.

[–] BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 15 points 5 days ago

Can't even throw in a ketchup packet and call it a vegetable? It's like they aren't even trying.

[–] Today@lemmy.world 13 points 5 days ago

What's new with the Epstein files? Or the Epstein ballroom?

[–] unrealMinotaur@sh.itjust.works 11 points 5 days ago (2 children)

As someone living on a tight food budget, it's still possible to stretch 3$ WAYYYY further. Prices are bad, don't get me wrong but this kinda seems like performative bs

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] HasturInYellow@lemmy.world 8 points 5 days ago

Article FILLED by AI bullshit.

[–] BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 8 points 5 days ago
[–] YiddishMcSquidish@lemmy.today 2 points 4 days ago

Broccoli is more than $3 a piece.

[–] Avicenna@programming.dev 3 points 4 days ago

Did Brooke post this while dining in a 3 Michelin star restaurant?

load more comments
view more: next ›